"Gentlemen, it is to be premised, that this mechanical operation
can only apply to those parts of the narrative which are at
present composed out of commonplaces, such as the love-speeches of
the hero, the description of the heroine's person, the moral
observations of all sorts, and the distribution of happiness at
the conclusion of the piece. Mr. Dousterswivel has sent me some
drawings, which go far to show, that by placing the words and
phrases technically employed on these subjects, in a sort of
framework, like that of the Sage of Laputa, and changing them by
such a mechanical process as that by which weavers of damask alter
their patterns, many new and happy combinations cannot fail to
occur, while the author, tired of pumping his own brains, may have
an agreeable relaxation in the use of his fingers."
"I speak for information, Mr. Preses," said the Rev. Mr. Lawrence
Templeton; "but I am inclined to suppose the late publication of
Walladmor to have been the work of Dousterswivel, by the help of
the steam-engine." [Footnote: A Romance, by the Author of
Waverley, having been expected about this time at the great
commercial mart of literature, the Fair of Leipsic, an ingenious
gentleman of Germany, finding that none such appeared, was so kind
as to supply its place with a work, in three volumes, called
Walladmor, to which he prefixed the Christian and surname at full
length. The character of this work is given with tolerable
fairness in the text. ]
"For shame, Mr. Templeton," said the Preses; "there are good
things in Walladmor, I assure you, had the writer known any thing
about the country in which he laid the scene."
"Or had he had the wit, like some of ourselves, to lay the scene
in such a remote or distant country that nobody should be able to
back-speer [Footnote: Scottish for cross-examine him.] him," said
Mr. Oldbuck.
"Why, as to that," said the Preses, "you must consider the thing
was got up for the German market, where folks are no better judges
of Welsh manners than of Welsh crw." [Footnote: The ale of the
ancient British is called crw in their native language.]
"I make it my prayer that this be not found the fault of our own
next venture," said Dr. Dryasdust, pointing to some books which
lay on the table. "I fear the manners expressed in that
'Betrothed' of ours, will scarce meet the approbation of the
Cymmerodion; I could have wished that Llhuyd had been looked into
--that Powel had been consulted--that Lewis's History had been
quoted, the preliminary dissertations particularly, in order to
give due weight to the work."
"Weight!" said Captain Clutterbuck; "by my soul, it is heavy
enough already, Doctor."
"Speak to the chair," said the Preses, rather peevishly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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