The Big Drum: A Comedy in Four ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
The Big Drum: A Comedy in Four Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama
Later. [_Producing a dog's-eared little memorandum-book and turning its
leaves with a moistened thumb._] Here we are--the twenty-fourth. [_To
everybody, referring to his notes as he proceeds--glibly._] Mr. Filson
called on me and Mr. Sillitoe, ladies and gentlemen, on the
twenty-fourth of last month with reference to a book by Mr. P.
Mackworth--"The Big Drum"--published September the second, and drew our
attention to the advertisements of Mr. Mackworth's publisher--Mr.
Clifford Titterton, of Charles Street, Adelphi--relating to the same.
Mr. F. having made us acquainted with the special circumstances of the
case, and furnished us with his reasons for doubting Titterton's
flowery statements, [_wetting his thumb again and turning to the next
leaf of his note-book_] on the following day, the twenty-fifth, I
purchased a copy of the said book at Messrs. Blake and Hodgson's in the
Strand, Mr. Hodgson himself informing me in the course of conversation
that, as far as his firm was concerned, the book wasn't doing anything
out of the ordinary. [_Repeating the thumb process._] I then proceeded
to pump one of the gals--er--to interrogate one of the assistants--at a
circulating library Mrs. D. subscribes to, with a similar result.
[_Turning to the next leaf._] My next step----
SIR RANDLE.
I wonder whether these elaborate preliminaries----?
BERTRAM.
Oh, don't interrupt, father! I mean to _say_----!
DUNNING.
[_Imperturbably._] My next step was to place the book in the hands of a
lady whose liter'y judgment is a great deal sounder than mine _or_ Mr.
Sillitoe's--I allude to Mrs. D.--and her report was that, though
amusing in parts, she didn't see anything in it to set the Thames on
fire.
PHILIP.
[_Laughing in spite of himself._] Ha, ha, ha!
ROOPE.
Ha, ha! [_To_ PHILIP, _with mock sympathy._] Dear excellent friend!
BERTRAM.
[_To_ ROOPE.] Yes, all right, Mr. Roope----!
DUNNING.
[_Turning to the next leaf._] I and Mr. Sillitoe then had another
confab--er--consultation with Mr. Filson, and we pointed out to him
that it was up to his father and mother to challenge Titterton's
assertions and invite proof of their accuracy.
ROOPE.
[_Quietly._] Obviously!
DUNNING.
Mr. F., however, giving us to understand that he was acting solely on
his own, and that he wished the investigation kept from his family, we
proposed a different plan----
BERTRAM.
To which I reluctantly assented.
DUNNING.
To get hold of somebody in Titterton's office--one of his employees,
male or female----
LADY FILSON.
[_Shocked._] Oh! Oh, Bertie!
OTTOLINE.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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