The Big Drum: A Comedy in Four ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
The Big Drum: A Comedy in Four Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama
[_To everybody._] Having gleaned certain significant facts from the
said Henry Merrifield, ladies and gentlemen, [_referring to his notes_]
I paid two visits last week to the offices of Messrs. Hopwood & Co., of
6, Carmichael Lane, Walbrook, described in fresh paint on their door as
Shipping and General Agents; and the conclusion I arrived at was that
Messrs. Hopwood & Co. were a myth and their offices a blind, the latter
consisting of a small room on the ground floor, eight foot by twelve,
and their staff of the caretakers of the premises--Mr. and Mrs.
Sweasy--an old woman and her husband----
ROOPE.
[_To_ DUNNING.] If I may venture to interpose again, what on earth have
Messrs. Hopwood----?
SIR RANDLE.
Yes, what have Messrs. Hopwood----?
BERTRAM.
[_Over his shoulder._] Ho! What have Messrs. Hopwood----!
ROOPE.
[_To_ BERTRAM, _pointing to_ DUNNING.] I am addressing _this_
gentleman, dear excellent friend----
DUNNING.
[_To_ ROOPE.] I'll tell you, sir. [_Incisively._] It's to the bogus
firm of Hopwood & Co. that the bulk of the volumes of Mr. Mackworth's
new book have been consigned.
BERTRAM.
[_Getting off the table, eagerly._] Dunning has seen them, I mean
t'say----
SIR RANDLE.
[_To_ BERTRAM, _startled._] Be silent, Bertie!
LADY FILSON.
[_To_ BERTRAM, _holding her breath._] Do be quiet!
ROOPE.
[_Blankly._] The--the bulk of the volumes----?
PHILIP.
[_Staring at_ DUNNING.] The--the bulk of the----?
DUNNING.
[_To_ SIR RANDLE _and_ ROOPE.] Yes, gentlemen, the books are in a
mouldy cellar, also rented by Messrs. Hopwood, at 6, Carmichael Lane.
There's thousands of them there, in cases--some of the cases with
shipping marks on them, some marked for inland delivery. I've inspected
them this afternoon--overhauled them. Mr. Sweasy had gone over to the
Borough to see his married niece, and I managed to get the right side
of _Mrs._ S.
SIR RANDLE.
[_Softly, looking from one to the other._] Curious! Curious!
LADY FILSON.
[_Forcing a smile._] How--how strange!
ROOPE.
[_To_ LADY FILSON, _a little disturbed._] Why strange, dear Lady
Filson? Shipping and other marks on the cases! These people are
forwarding agents----
DUNNING.
[_Showing his teeth._] Nobody makes the least effort to _despatch_ the
cases, though. That's singular, isn't it?
ROOPE.
But----!
DUNNING.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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