American fiction -- 20th century; Short stories, American
“It is ever,” said the Jolly Doctor, beaming from one to another to
observe if we enjoyed Sioux Sam’s story with as deep a zest as he did,
“it is ever a wondrous pleasure to meet with these tales of a primitive
people. They are as simple as the romaunts invented and told by children
for the amusement of each other, and yet they own something of a plot,
though it be the shallowest.”
“Commonly, too, they teach a moral lesson,” spoke up the Sour Gentleman,
“albeit from what I know of savage morals they would not seem to have
had impressive effect upon the authors or their Indian listeners. You
should know something of our Indians?”
Here the Sour Gentleman turned to the Old Cattleman, who was rolling a
fresh cigar in his mouth as though the taste of tobacco were a delight.
“Me, savey Injuns?” said the Old Cattleman. “Which I knows that much
about Injuns it gets in my way.”
“What of their morals, then?” asked the Sour Gentleman.
“Plumb base. That is, they’re plumb base when took from a paleface
standp’int. Lookin’ at ’em with the callous eyes of a savage, I
reckons now they would mighty likely seem bleached a whole lot.”
Discussion rambled to and fro for a time, and led to a learned
disquisition on fables from the Jolly Doctor, they being, he said, the
original literature of the world. With the end of it, however, there
arose a request that the Sour Gentleman follow the excellent examples of
the Jolly Doctor and Sioux Sam.
“But I’ve no invention,” complained the Sour Gentleman. “At the best I
could but give you certain personal experiences of my own; and those,
let me tell you, are not always to my credit.”
“Now I’ll wager,” spoke up the Red Nosed Gentleman, “now I’ll wager a
bottle of burgundy--and that reminds me I must send for another, since
this one by me is empty--that your experiences are quite as glorious as
my own; and yet, sir,”--here the Red Nosed Gentleman looked hard at the
Sour Gentleman as though defying him to the tiltyard--“should you favor
us, I’ll even follow you, and forage in the pages of my own heretofore
and give you a story myself.”
“That is a frank offer,” chimed in the Jolly Doctor.
“There is no fault to be found with the offer,” said the Sour Gentleman;
“and yet, I naturally hesitate when those stories of myself, which my
poverty of imagination would compel me to give you, are not likely to
grace or lift me in your esteem.”
“And what now do you suppose should be the illustrative virtues of what
stories I will offer when I tell you I am a reformed gambler?”
This query was put by the Red Nosed Gentleman. The information thrown
out would seem to hearten the Sour Gentleman not a little.
“Then there will be two black sheep at all events,” said the Sour
Gentleman.
“Gents,” observed the Old Cattleman, decisively, “if it’ll add to the
gen’ral encouragement, I’ll say right yere that in Arizona I was allowed
to be some heinous myse’f. If this is to be a competition in iniquity, I
aims to cut in on the play.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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