England -- Social life and customs -- Humor; English wit and humor; Housekeeping -- Humor; Marriage -- Humor
“What I should get, Mrs. Molyneux, if I were you,” he said with great
emphasis, “is a piece of bread. Get your cook to give you some nice
bread, not new you know, stale--stale bread a couple of days old--and
steep it in a little milk. Heat the milk (you have a saucepan I expect?
that’s capital!)--get a nice saucepan, then, and I should wash it
first--get it washed for you--your maid can do that--get it well washed
with soap and hot water, that’s right, wash it, and then pour the milk
in. You have the milk, say, in a jug--a china jug--quite so--no doubt
it stands in the larder, precisely--well, you get your cook to give you
that jug of milk, and pour a little into the saucepan and heat it; I
shouldn’t boil it--no, I shouldn’t indeed. I should heat it and pour it
very gently on the bread. Cut the bread, you know--get a knife and cut
it; don’t crumb it--that would be too small--cut it into nice pieces
and pour the milk over it--you’ll find the girl will do capitally on
it.”
We all hear from doctors about the tendency of women to be faddy about
their health. The truth of the matter is that every one likes to feel
that something about them is of importance to some one, and not only to
some one in their own family, but to the outside world. I used to feel
that James was an interesting personality to many people; he expounded
his views to them, his remarks were received with sympathy, and he got
a great deal of patting on the back. I didn’t. Clara and Ruth thought
me an eccentric, amiable creature of another breed from themselves,
a sort of finish to the house in a way, an ultimate cat on whom to
lay responsibility for failure and domestic sin; but they were not
interested in me. My women friends were more interested in my habits
than in my personal psychology; James was mainly interested in my
interest in him. It was sometimes a sore temptation to have a disease,
something that would make at least three men shake their heads and
wonder what I was doing. They would find out then what an exceptional
character I had--what courage, what wit under trying circumstances,
what intelligence in household management (the vacant chair, the cold
bacon, that would bring it all home to them). James would hurry home in
the evening and read letters to me from people who were all interested;
he would chat--not quite so long as I wanted, so that I could have the
pleasant qualm of missing him--then he would be dispatched downstairs
to horrid discomfort where his darling was not, and I should not have
to change into a cold evening dress. At last I should fall asleep,
comfortable, warm, and washed, knowing that I need not get up next
morning and slave and worry in unrecognised monotony. Can anyone wonder
that we do it?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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