England -- Social life and customs -- Humor; English wit and humor; Housekeeping -- Humor; Marriage -- Humor
“Oh, well, m’m,” she replied, “of course you would give the orders just
the same in the nursery as elsewhere. It’s your place, and I like
to have you do it. I’m sure I should be the last to wish to direct.
Indeed, I shouldn’t care to take any responsibility. But where there
is children you can’t pick and choose what is to be done in the same
way as where there is only a lady, can you, m’m? They have to be
considered, don’t they?”
“Yes, Ruth,” I said, “I quite see your idea, and I think you are right
to marry, you will feel much freer.”
But I had not the least intention that she should marry yet. Before the
month was up she had decided that Mullins could hardly give her, as
yet, the comforts to which she was accustomed, therefore the marriage
was postponed. Still, I was conscious henceforth of the sword over my
head, and it was all Tom’s fault.
He had already annoyed us all by not being born on the day originally
fixed. He seemed preoccupied and in a hurry when he arrived, and of
course the house was all upset. He made the best of things, waiting
patiently on the sofa as if we had made the muddle, whereas, in
fact, he was entirely to blame. Anne, two years later, behaved
quite differently. She entered the date in her pocket-book, stopped
glory-trailing when the clock struck, and came down buttoning on a pink
skin several sizes too large.
I was sorry for Tom from the bottom of my heart. He had some natural
dignity, which he needed in the presence of the women who preyed upon
his person and searched mercilessly for his soul. They commented upon
his personal appearance, his habits, and his human weaknesses, until I
blushed for them and for him. They made him look absurd in the street,
dressed in a shawl pinned tightly round him in the shape of a Virginia
Ham, and a drunken-looking bonnet that lay cocked over one eye, leaving
a draughty space at the back of the neck. When he laughed they either
attributed it to a defective digestion, or put feeble jokes in his
mouth.
“I’m a bad boy,” he says, Nurse Boswell interpreted, “and I’m going to
kick my little heels, I am, and splash the soapy water in their faces!”
When he broke down and wept from sheer despair of ever making them
understand, they took him to the blinding glare of a sunny window and
threw him about until he was obliged to feign indisposition in order to
make them put him down. He came to me about it sometimes, and I said:
“All right, just lie down quietly, and I will say you are resting if
they come.”
Just as he was comfortably settled a cheerful voice and clapping of
hands was heard at the door, and in came nurse.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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