"I then told him about Sarah's letter to Mr. Knowles, and that you had sent her the money to keep her from being turned into the street. I told him, too, that I referred to the same bill when I mentioned that some one owed her thirty dollars. "'This is a terrible revelation,' he said, very sternly. 'I wish I might believe you are yourself deceived.' "'I wish so myself; with all my heart,' I exclaimed, sobbing. 'For if I were, so many things would be different.' "'Give me that paper a minute,' he said, presently. "And then I was all alone in his counting-room, perched up on the high stool where I had seated myself. Don't think me very silly and childish, for I couldn't help it. When I thought how many people one selfish man can make unhappy, my self-control gave way. And when Mr. McKinstry came back, he found me leaning on his desk, and crying all over his papers like a great baby. I laughed, though, when he showed me the addition of four names to my paper, over a sum of sixty dollars, making more than half of all I want. "Before I came away, he tried to make me promise to present the paper to Mr. Tracy, but I would not. And he said: "'Then I shall do it myself. If he does not pay his debts, the law shall make him.' "You can imagine after this, how I felt when, at the usual hour, Mr. Tracy read the Bible, and prayed for the poor and afflicted, the sick and dying, etc., etc. I never before realized so fully the truth of the inspired words: 'Behold, the hire of the laborers * * * which is of you kept back by fraud, crieth; and the cries * * * are entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth.'" _July_ 17. "I have long felt that a crisis in my life was approaching. I have several times met Monson P. Tracy's eyes fixed on me with a strange expression. It is impossible to describe it,—not hate, nor contempt, nor curiosity, but a mingling of all these emotions. I imagine he has ascertained that I do not worship him, and perhaps thinks I have taken a peep under the cloak of piety which he wraps so closely about him. "There is another reason why a longer residence here is undesirable; 'intolerable,' is the better word. Roswell persists, in spite of all my coldness, in paying me marked attention. He does this especially in public, and evidently means to give the impression that some engagement exists between us. "How I am chafed and fretted by all this, you can easily imagine. Sometimes for a few minutes I do try to follow dear Mr. Knowles' advice, and subdue all my hard thoughts. Sometimes I can pray for the charity which 'endureth all things, which thinketh no evil,' but I suppose there is too much iniquity in my heart for my prayers to be heard."