Dese laws of un-endly un-windoong ish so teep and broad and tall, Dat nopody boot a Deutscher hafe a het to versteh dem at all, Und should I write mine dinks all out, I tont peliefe inteed, Dat I mineslf vould versteh de half of dis here Breitmann's Lied. Ash der Hegel say of his system - dat only von mans knew, Vot der tyfel id meant - und he couldn't tell - und der Jean Paul Richter, too, Who saidt: "Gott knows I meant somedings vhen foorst dis buch I writ, Boot Gott only wise vot das buch means now - for I hafe fergotten it!" Und all of dis be-wises so blain ash de face on your nose, Dat der Deutscher hafe efen more intellects dan he himself soopose, Und his tifference mit de over-again vorldt, as I really do soospect, Ish dat oder volk hafe more soopose - und lesser intellect. Yet oop-righty I confess it - mitout ashkin' vhy or vhence, Dere ish also dimes vhen Amerigans hafe shown sharp-pointet sense, Und a fery outsigned exemple of genius in dis line, Vas dishblayed in dis elegdion py Mishder Hiram Twine. ------------------- PARDT DE SECONDT. SHOWING HOW MR. HIRAM TWINE "PLAYED OFF" ON SMITH.[35] Vide licet. Dere vas a fillage whose vote alone vouldt pe Apout enof to elegdt a man und give a mayority, So de von who couldt "scoop" dis seddlement vouldt make a lucky hit, But dough dey vere Deutschers, von und all, dey all go von on Schmit. Now id hoppinet to gome to bass, dat in dis little town, De Deutsch vas all exshpegdin' dat Mishder Schmit coom down, His brinciples to foresetzen und his idees to deach- (Id est, fix oop de brifate pargains) - und telifer a pooplic shbeech. Now Twine vas a gyrotwistive cuss ash blainly ish peen shown, Und vas always an out-findin' votefer might pe known, Und mit some of his circumswindles he fix de matter so, Dat he'd pe himself at dis meeding, und see how dings vas go. Oh shdrangely in dis leben de dings kits vorked apout, Oh voonderly Fortuna makes doorn us inside out. Oh sinkular de loock-vheel rolls - dis liddle meeding dere, Fixt Twine ad perpendiculum: - shoosh suit him to a hair. Now it hopponet on dis efenin', de Deutschers von und all, Vere erwaitin' mit oonpatience de onfang of de Ball, Und de shates of nighdt vere fallin' und de shdars pegin to plink, Und dey vish dat Schmit vouldt hoory, for 'twas dime to dake a trink. Dey hear some hoofs a dramplin' - und dey saw und dinked dey know'd, De bretty greature coomin' on his horse entlang de road, Und ash he ride town invard de likeness vas so blain, Dey donnered out "Hoora for Schmit!" enof to make it rain. Der Twine vas shdart like plazes - boot oop shdardet too his vit, Und he dinks, "Great turnips! - vhot if I couldt bass for Colonel Schmit! Gaul darn my heels I'll do it - and go the total swine, Oh soap balls! - what a chance!" said dis dissembulatin' Twine.