American fiction -- 20th century; Chicago (Ill.) -- Fiction; Journalists -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction
As he walked, his thoughts touched lightly upon Rose-Ann—he had a
fleeting memory-picture, uncoloured by any painful emotion, of her
standing on the balcony of that house in Woods Point, about to jump off
into the snow-bank; he sensed her as a creature possessed by some wish
which she did not understand, driven on by it to delightful and absurd
actions.... And Clive, ironically officiating as host to a bridal pair
in the house which he had built to shelter his own happiness.... And
Phyllis, holding Clive perpetually at arm’s length, because he was not
utterly a god.... And himself, strangest shape of all, taking the
emotions of all these other characters seriously and trying to adjust
his life to them! They were like people in a play, strange and foolish,
beautiful and pitiful. He saw them all, he saw his own past self, with a
delicate and appreciating exactitude.
But they did not matter—he could stop thinking of them, and look at the
nimbus of light around the arc lamp on the corner. That was strange and
beautiful, too.
To be a spectator of the spectacle of existence! At first that was
enough. But presently he was aware of a vague desire for a
fellow-spectator. The desire was faint, but faint as it was it moved his
steps to the Illinois Central platform, and presently he emerged upon
Michigan Avenue.
2
That evening in the Artists’ Theatre there was a rehearsal of several
episodes from Schnitzler’s “Anatol,” which was to be the second bill of
the season. At midnight Elva Macklin saw Felix Fay stroll in and listen
to the jaded end of the rehearsal from the theatre’s one tiny and
inconvenient box.
Felix saw her, too, and realized by what instinctive wish he had been
led, without conscious thought, to the Artists’ Theatre. He wanted her
for his fellow-spectator of the spectacle of existence.
He saw her as if for the first time. He had never talked with her much;
and he had been drunk, on dreams if not on whiskey, the time he had
danced with her at the ball. She had been a sort of dream-figure to him,
an out-of-the-world creature. He saw her now clearly enough—an intense
young egotist in her every word and gesture; no dryad, but soulless
enough for all her human nature—a girl who still kept the hardness of a
child about her. She would never make a good actress, he reflected; she
was too much herself; she was acting abominably her part in this
Schnitzler play, but with her own special charm, the charm that made her
what she was. But she was not a person to pity. He liked her for that.
He would talk to her.
A few moments later, as Elva Macklin was putting on her coat to go home,
Felix Fay appeared at the door of the tiny women’s dressing room.
The others had gone, she was there alone.
“May I come in?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said, “whoever you are ... and you may button my spats if you
want to, Felix Fay. I’m too tired, and I was going off without them.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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