Egypt -- History -- Fiction; German fiction -- Translations into English
"Because prudence tells me," she replied in a low, hurried voice, while
her bosom heaved painfully, as though she were afraid to hear her own
words; "because I see that the time is not yet come. Ah, Orion! you
have not yet learnt to bridle the desires and cravings that burn within
you; you have forgotten all too quickly what is past--what a mountain we
had to cross before we succeeded in finding each other, before I--for I
must say it, my dear one--before I could look you in the face without
anger and aversion. A strange and mysterious ordering has brought it
about; and you, too, have honestly done your best that everything should
be changed, that what was white should now be black, that the chill north
wind should turn to a hot southerly one. Thus poison turns to healing,
and a curse to a blessing. In this foolish heart of mine passionate
hatred has given way to no less fervent love. Still, I cannot yet be
your bride, your wife. Call it cowardice, call it selfish caution, what
you will. I call it prudence, and applaud it; though it cost my poor
eyes a thousand bitter tears before my heart and brain could consent to
be guided by the warning voice. Of one thing you may be fully assured:
my heart will never be another's, come what may--it is yours with my
whole soul!--But I will not be your bride till I can say to you with glad
confidence, as well as with passionate love: 'You have conquered--take
me, I am yours!' Then you shall feel and confess that Paula's love is
not less vehement, less ardent.... O God! Orion, learn to know and
understand me. You must--for my sake and your own, you must!--My head,
merciful Heaven, my head!"
She bowed her face and clasped her hands to her burning brow; Orion, pale
and shivering, laid his hand on her shoulder, and said in a harsh, forced
voice that had lost all its music: "The Esoterics impose severe trials
on their disciples before they admit them into the mysteries. And we are
in Egypt--but the difference is a wide one when the rule is applied to
love. How ever, all this is not from yourself. What you call prudence
is the voice of that nun!"
"It is the voice of reason," replied Paula softly. "The yearning of my
heart had overpowered it, and I owe to my friend. . . ."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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