"Tomorrow night at eight o'clock sharp I will take possession of
Ingleside, peaceably if I can, forcibly if I must."
"When the Prince of the Thebaird sent this message to the queen of lower
Egypt, "Tomorrow I will knock at the door of your palace with the hilt
of my spear," she returned this warning, "And I will welcome you with
bloody hands, and the crocodiles of the Nile shall devour your carcass."
"What shall be our message, Mr. Flowers?"
The regulator thought a little dreamily for awhile, and then with the
usual squint in the right eye replied drowsily,
"Wall, thar is two ways to kill a nigger unbeknownst to him. I kin
ku-klux him, or I kin strike him with forked litenin; but I haint got
ammunition enuff to kill a hole passul at wunce."
The Colonel unfolded and laid upon the table a large sheet of paper,
such as engineers use in diagramming, and began in a perfunctory way to
mark off lines, angles, eccentric and concentric figures, until he fixed
the point of his pencil suspiciously at the upper abutment of a bridge
that spanned a rivulet, with this remark,
"Just here, sir, must be the point of attack. This is the only
defensible position upon the plantation. If the malicious negroes pass
this bridge, all is lost. Now, my friend," he continued, "heroic
diseases must be healed with heroic remedies. You and I are old
soldiers. Up and down the Chickahominy our army would have been tin
soldiers but for our sappers and miners. Now you may sap and mine to
your heart's content," he said jocularly. "Do you understand, Mr.
Flowers?"
"No, not eggzactly," replied Flowers. "Dos yer want ther cussed niggers
drounded?" he asked.
"No, only frightened so they will let me alone," replied the Colonel.
"Frightened!" ejaculated the regulator. "Wall, fokeses in gineral gits
frightened before they gits drounded, don't they? If I don't mistrust
you, Kernel, you wants the bridge upsot, and then you wants the kerridge
upsot, and then you wants the blamed niggers upsot, altogether in the
crick."
"If in your opinion my language bears that construction, you may
proceed," said the Colonel.
"Eggzactly so," replied the regulator. "I may percede with another
percession and a funeral at the tail eend of it. Eight o'clock, sharp!"
reiterated the regulator, and waving his hand backwards at the old man
in the verandah, cried back, "I will be thar or thar abouts," took his
leave.
Clarissa tried to sick "ole Jube" on the regulator as he passed through
the gate, but the old dog looked sheepishly into Clarissa's face and
wagged his tail, as much as to say, "Ef yer wants enybody sicked on dat
white man, jes sick yersef."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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