The Burning Spear: Being the Experiences of Mr. John Lavender in the Time of WarGalsworthy, John
General
The Burning Spear: Being the Experiences of Mr. John Lavender in the Time of War
Galsworthy, John
World War, 1914-1918 -- Humor, caricatures, etc.
At the top of the stairs they came on Mrs. Petty, who, having Scotch
blood in her veins, stood against the wall to let them pass, with a hot
bottle in either hand. Having placed Mr. Lavender in his bed and drawn
the clothes up to his eyes, Joe Petty passed the back of his hand across
his brow, and wrung it out.
“Phew!” he gasped; “he's artful!”
His wife, who had followed them in, was already fastening her eyes on
the carpet.
“What's that?” she said, sniffing.
“That?” repeated Joe, picking up his pipe; “why, I had to run to ketch
'im, and it fell out o' me pocket.”
“And lighted itself,” said Mrs. Petty, darting, at the floor and taking
up a glowing quid which had burned a little round hole in the carpet.
“You're a pretty one!”
“You can't foresee those sort o' things,” said Joe.
“You can't foresee anything,” replied his wife; “you might be a
Government. Here! hold the clothes while I get the bottles to his
feet. Well I never! If he hasn't got——” And from various parts of Mr.
Lavender's body she recovered the five journals. “For putting things in
the wrong place, Joe Petty, I've never seen your like!”
“They'll keep 'im warm,” said Joe.
Mr. Lavender who, on finding himself in bed, had once more fallen into a
comatose condition, stirred, and some words fell from his lips. “Five in
one, and one in five.”
“What does he say?” said Mrs. Petty, tucking him up.
“It's the odds against Candelabra for the Derby.”
“Only faith,” cried Mr. Lavender, “can multiply exceedingly.”
“Here, take them away!” muttered Mrs. Petty, and dealing the journals a
smart slap, she handed them to Joe.
“Faith!” repeated Mr. Lavender, and fell into a doze.
“About this new disease,” said Joe. “D'you think it's ketchin'? I feel
rather funny meself.”
“Stuff!” returned his wife. “Clear away those papers and that bone, and
go and take Blink out, and sit on a seat; it's all you're fit for. Of
all the happy-go-luckys you're the worst.”
“Well, I never could worry,” said Joe from the doorway; “'tisn't in me.
So long!”
And, dragging Blink by the collar, he withdrew.
Alone with her patient, Mrs. Petty, an enthusiast for cleanliness and
fresh air, went on her knees, and, having plucked out the charred ring
of the little hole in the carpet, opened the window wider to rid the
room of the smell of burning. “If it wasn't for me,” she thought,
leaning out into the air, “I don't know what'd become of them.”
A voice from a few feet away said:
“I hope he's none the worse. What does the doctor say?”
Looking round in astonishment, Mrs. Petty saw a young lady leaning out
of a window on her right.
“We can't tell at present,” she said, with a certain reserve he is going
on satisfactory.
“It's not hydrophobia, is it?” asked the young lady. “You know he fell
out of the window?
“What!” ejaculated Mrs. Petty.
“Where the lilac's broken. If I can give you a hand I shall be very
glad. I'm a V.A.D.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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