No longer unchoosing, her heart had spoken its choice. It were better
had it never spoken at all; but there could be no mistaking its
decree—she loved Evans Rutledge. As she had looked upon the three men
who loved her in that brief time when Helen proclaimed her husband, _she
had known_: and she had known that not for her was the man who in the
fleetest moment could smile while her heart was breaking; nor for her
that other, who, with his alien point of view, was untouched with her
distress, and who with his perfect breeding—she resented it—could be so
contained, so unmoved, in a situation which brought anguish to her. In
the throes of that anguish her soul had turned, unerring, to its
affinity in suffering, to _the heart that understood_ and wept, not in a
ready sympathy for her pain, but in the pains of a common grief.
In such manner Elise accounted for the reading of her heart’s message.
She believed that it had been undecipherable, confused, until that
evening. Yet in all her distress then, and in the heartaches afterward
resulting from its choosing, she was strangely happy because her heart
had been true to the fancy of its earlier years, had been faithful to
its first girlish inclination to love, had not misled her, had not been
fickle in any degree, or false. She told herself with a tremor of
rapturous, prideful humility that one man had been the master of her
love from the beginning.
Thinking on it as she lay unsleeping through the night, she more than
once forgot her tears and was lost in the transport of loving. She
petted and caressed her heart for its constancy. She made excuses for
its indecision in that long time when the man’s love had seemed
unworthy. She murmured tender things to it because it had prevailed,
even though with a hesitating loyalty, against her head’s capricious
disapproval.
In her wanderings back and forth through the desert of her miseries on
that night, she straggled back many times to this oasis of her love and
stopped to soothe her troubled heart with its upspringing
freshnesses.... And yet a wildness of perplexity was set about her, and
she could not find a way out. She knew that Rutledge loved her—had
loved her from the time he declared it on the flood-beaten rock in the
St. Lawrence till the moment of his tender unspoken good-night three
hours ago. That his love could not be shaken by any act not her own,
she verily believed. But would he have loved her?—would he have dared to
love her?—could he, with his blood-deep, immutable ideas, _could_ he
have loved her?—if he had known that his love would bring him to this
unspeakable extremity, to this heart-breaking dilemma, where he must be
traitor to himself and to her—or become brother-in-law to a negro?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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