Yes, he would have _loved_ her—her of all women—despite the slings and
arrows of the most outrageous fortune, her heart told her: but, with
prescience of such calamity, would he have _spoken_ his love?—would he
have asked for that interview for to-morrow evening that he might tell
it to her again? Was he not even now regretting that appointment? Was he
not even now _pitying_ his love for her? She must know. But how could
she know? By what means could she learn _the truth_? ... Way there was
none: and yet she _must know_. Doubt, uncertainty, here would be
unendurable—and implacable for she could no longer find peace in
indifference. She loved Evans Rutledge, and her love would fight, was
fighting, desperately for its own.... But again, her own must be
worthy, without compulsion, or she would repudiate it. Her heart’s
tenderness, virgin, single, measureless, she held too precious to barter
for a love, withal sincere and beautiful, which were weighted with a
minim of regret or limitation. Rather would she crush back its
fragrance eternally in her own bosom, than dishonour it by exchange for
less than the highest.... Yes, she must know.... And she could _not_
know.... And the morning came, bringing no relief for heart or
brain....
Mr. Phillips was at some pains to intimate to his wife and Elise what he
thought a proper pride demanded in the way of the "front" they should
show to the public. Queer that he should have thought it necessary:
but, unhappy man, he spoke out of his fears for his own steadiness.
Elise, at least, had no need for his admonitions. Her pride was the
pride of youth: the pride which finds all sufficiency in itself, and
needs not the prop of outward circumstance which age requires to hold
its chin in air.
It was this pride which gave Elise some hesitation in deciding what she
should do with her promise to see Rutledge that evening. Pride said:
"Meet him as if nothing has happened to disturb the serenity of your
life. Do not show—to him, of all men—chagrin at this episode _en
famille_." But pride said: "No! Recall that engagement. Do not appear
to hold him by so much as a hair. His love must be undistrained!"
She wavered between these conflicting demands of a consistent
self-respect until the middle afternoon. Then the pride of her love
overmastered the pride in her pride: and she wrote Rutledge a short
note.
"MY DEAR MR. RUTLEDGE:—I find it necessary to change my plans for this
evening. This will prevent my seeing you at Mrs. Hazard’s as I
promised. I am very sorry.
"Sincerely,
"ELISE PHILLIPS."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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