Lola Hazard turned from her discussion with Rutledge to give Elise
another song, and the young woman at the piano sang three or four while
Rutledge listened in appreciative silence. Before the last was finished
Mrs. Hazard was gone to receive other guests.
"Now will you not sing one of your own choosing?" asked Rutledge.
"I have no choice;" said Elise, "but this occurs to me." She sang him
Tosti’s _Good-bye_.
If she put more of the spirit in that song than into the others it was
not because she felt its pertinence to the present status of her love.
But through the wakeful night, and all the day long till Rutledge’s note
had come, the words of that _Good-bye_ had come and gone through her
brain with passionate realism:
"Falling leaf and fading tree,
Lines of white on a sullen sea,
Shadows rising on you and me—"
her heart had sung its "good-bye for ever" with all the smothered
passion of renunciation. So, in the very moment of blissful waiting for
the telling of his love, she could sing to Rutledge with all the
wildness of farewell which so short a time since had wrung her spirit.
She struck the last chord softly, and, after holding down the keys till
the strings were dumb, dropped her hands in her lap. She did not look
up, but she knew that Rutledge’s gaze was upon her. She waited for a
space unspeaking, without lifting her eyes—and realized that she had
waited too long.... The silence was eloquent; and with every moment
became more significant. She tried to look up, but could not. She knew
that the situation had gotten beyond her in that careless ten seconds,
and that if she looked up now she was lost.... She sat as if under a
spell—and waited for Rutledge to move or to speak.... After an age he
was coming toward her.... And he was so very slow in coming. Her heart
was thumping suffocatingly, her breathing in suspense.... He did not
speak as he came to her.... She felt he was very near.... Still
unspeaking—was he going to take her in his arms? ... Her head drooped
lower over the keyboard....
Oh, why did he not take her in his arms.
"Elise, I love you. I’ve always loved you."
Elise’s eyes were upon the idle hands in her lap; and her heart had
stopped to listen. Rutledge’s sentences were broken and jerky. She had
never heard him speak in that fashion.
"I’ve loved you always, Elise, and once I was rash enough to think—you
loved me. My presumption was fitly punished.... Now I have only—hope.
In the last few months you—have been so—gracious that—I have been led to
think you—wait, wait till I have done—so gracious that I have been led
to think—not that you love me, but at least that I—do not excite your
antipathy—as for a long time it seemed.... So now I have only hope—but
such a hope, Elise—a hope that is—beyond words, for my love is such. My
love is—I love you, Elise—I love you as—as my father loved my mother."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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