“She did what she was told; think no more about it,” said the doctor.
“Give me your hand on these your promises, and die on your feet rather
than break one of them! Now I trust you, my young fellow; you will play
the game, as you call it, even as the poor lads in these pictures
played it at Gravelotte, and die like them rather than go back an inch.
Look at this one here. No, not the one with the ridges, but here where
we come to bayonets and the sword. See the poor devils of the Prussian
Guard! See the sheet-lightning pouring into us from the walls of St.
Privat! Look at that fellow with his head bound up, and this one with
no head to bind. That’s meant for our colonel on the white horse. See
him hounding us on to hell! And there’s a drummer drumming as though we
could hear a single beat! Our very colours were blown to ribbons, you
see, and we ourselves to shreds; but the shreds hung together, my young
fellow, and so will you and I in our day of battle!” Baumgartner might
have known his boy for years, so sure was his touch upon the strings of
a responsive nature, to strike the chords of a generous enthusiasm, and
to wake the echoes of noble deeds. Pocket attacked his letter with the
heart of a soldier, hardened and yet uplifted for the fight; it was
only when he found himself writing down vague words, which nevertheless
brought his innocent deed home to him as nothing had done before, that
the artificial frost broke up, and real tears ran with his ink. He
begged Lettice not to think too hardly of him, still less to be anxious
about him, or to make anybody else; they must not fret for him, he
wrote more than once, without seeing the humour of the injunction. He
was better than he had been for years, and in the best of hands. But
something terrible had happened; something he could not help, but would
bitterly repent all his days, especially as it might prevent him from
ever seeing any of them again. It was this monstrous remark, and others
to which it led, that were literally blotted with the writer’s tears.
But just then he saw himself in all vivid sincerity as an outcast who
could never show himself at home or at school again. And it required
the spell of Baumgartner’s presence to make the prospect such as could
be borne with the least degree of visible manhood.
Be it remembered that he was not a man at all, but a boy in many ways
younger than most boys of sixteen and three quarters, albeit older in
some few. He was old in imagination, but young in common sense. One may
be imaginative and still have a level head, but it is least likely in
one’s teens. The particular temperament does not need a label; but none
who know it when they see it, and who see it here, will be surprised to
learn that this emotional writer for one was enormously relieved and
lightened in spirit when he had got his letter off his mind and hands.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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