Rage and disappointment seized him by turns, and both together; at
first they bit deeper even than the fear of Baumgartner—a fear felt
from the beginning, and naturally redoubled now. Disappointment had the
sharper tooth: his letter had ever gone, not one of his people knew a
thing about him yet, his tears had not drawn theirs, they had not hung
in anxious conclave on his words! Not that he had recognised any such
subtle consolations as factors in his temporary and comparative peace
of mind; now that they were gone, he could not have said what it was he
missed; he only knew that he could least forgive Baumgartner for this
sudden sense of cruel and crushing disappointment.
The phase passed, for the boy had the temperament that sees the other
side eventually, and of course there was something to be said for the
doctor’s stratagem. He could understand it, after all; the motive was
not malevolent; it was to relieve his mind and keep him quiet. The plan
had succeeded perfectly, and nobody was really any the worse off. His
people would have known he was alive and well on the Friday; but that
was all, and they had no reason yet to assume his death. No; even
Pocket came to see that his letter had been more of a relief to write
than it could have been to read; that, indeed, it could only have
aggravated the anxiety and suspense at home. Yet there was in him some
fibre which the deliberate deception had fretted and frayed beyond
reason or forgiveness. He saw all there was to be said about it; he
could imagine Baumgartner himself putting the case with irresistible
logic, with characteristic plausibility, and all the mesmeric wisdom of
a benevolent serpent; but for once, the boy felt, he would not be taken
in. It was not coming to that, however, for he had quite decided not to
betray his knowledge of the fraud—if only he had not already done so!
His fears on that score were largely allayed by Baumgartner’s manner
when at length he returned with another tray; for nothing could have
been more considerate and sympathetic, and even fatherly, than the
doctor’s behaviour then. Pocket had never touched his tea; he was very
gently chidden for that. Obstinately he declared he did not want any
supper either: it was true he did not want to want any, or another bite
of that man’s bread, but he was sorry as soon as the words were out. It
was against his reasoned policy to show temper, and he was beginning
to feel very hungry besides. The doctor said, “You’ll think better of
that, my young fellow,” which turned a mere remark into more than half
an absolute resolution. The second tray was set with a lighted candle
on a chair by the bedside. The boy eyed it wistfully with set teeth,
and Baumgartner eyed the boy.
“Is there anything you could fancy, my young fellow?”
“Nothing to eat.”
“Is there any book?”
“Yes,” said Pocket, without a moment’s premeditation. “There’s the book
I was reading yesterday.”
“What was that?”
“Some Frenchman on hallucinations.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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