“Well, well! If I am to have you ill on my hands it’s my own fault. I
take the responsibility for everything that has happened since the very
first moment we met. Remember that, my young fellow! I took the law
into my own hands, and you I took into my own house for better or
worse. You were worse then, remember, and yet I took you in! Is it not
strange that your asthma has entirely left you under my roof? Does it
not lead you to believe in me, my young fellow—to trust me perhaps more
than you have done?”
It did not. Pocket was not going to lie about that; he held his tongue
stubbornly instead. He still believed in his own explanation, derived
from one of his many doctors, and moreover already mentioned to this
one, of the sudden cessation of his chronic complaint. He hated
Baumgartner for forgetting that, and pretending for a moment to take
any credit to himself. That again was not worthy of so cool and keen a
brain, much less of the candid character with which Pocket had supposed
himself to be dealing. The very young are pathetically apt to see their
own virtues in those whom they trust at all; but the schoolboy’s faith
in Dr. Baumgartner had been shattered to its base; and now (as sure a
symptom of his youth) he could see no virtue at all.
“You must trust me again,” said Baumgartner, as though he knew what he
had forfeited. “I know what will do you good.”
“What?” asked Pocket, out of mere incredulous curiosity.
“Fresh air; some exercise; a glimpse of the beautiful town we live in,
before another soul is about, before the sun itself is up!”
Pocket hardly knew what made him shudder at the proposition. It might
have been the poignant picture of that other early morning, which came
before him in a scorching flash. But there was something also in the
way the doctor was bending over him in bed, holding his pipe nearer
still, so that the two dreadful faces seemed of equal size. And
Baumgartner’s had become a dreadful face in the boy’s eyes now; there
was none among those cruel waxworks to match it in cold intellectual
cruelty; and its smile—its new and strange smile it must have been that
made him shudder and shake his head.
“But, my young fellow,” urged the doctor, “it will do you so much good.
And not a soul will see us so early, early in the morning!”
Again that insinuating smile inspired a horror of which the boy himself
could have offered no satisfactory explanation, especially as there was
much to commend the proposal to his mind. But his face was white enough
as he moved it from side to side on the pillow.
“I tell you I’m ill,” he whimpered. “How can I go out with you, when
you see I can’t eat a bite?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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