Her uncle gazed at her apprehensively. He did not wish to undermine her
faith in her father on the very day after his death, but he was so
ignorant about her, her thoughts and beliefs and desires, that he did
not know what her idea of her father had been. His idea of him had
always been that he was a dirty, miserly scoundrel, but that was not
quite the thing for a daughter to feel, and there was an innocence and
simplicity about Maggie that perplexed him.
"I can't truly say that I ever knew what your father's private feelings
were. He never cared for me enough to tell me. He may have been very
religious in his real thoughts. We never discussed such things."
Maggie turned round upon him.
"I know. You're pretending. You've said to yourself, 'I mustn't tell
her what I think about her father the very day after his death, that
isn't a pleasant thing to do.' We've all got to pretend that he was
splendid. But he wasn't--never. Who can know it better than I? Didn't
he worry mother until she died? Didn't he lead me an awful life always,
and aren't I delighted now that he's dead? It's everything to me. I've
longed for this day for years, and now we've got to pretend that we're
sorry and that it would be a good thing if he were alive. It wouldn't
be a good thing--it would be a bad thing for every one. He was a bad
man and I hated him."
Then, quite suddenly, she cried. Turning away from her uncle she folded
her face in her arms like a small child and sobbed. Standing, looking
at her bent shoulders, her square, ugly figure, her shabby old hat with
its dingy black ribbon, pushed a little to the side of her head, Uncle
Mathew thought that she was a most uncomprehensible girl. If she felt
like that about her father why should she cry; and if she cried she
must surely have some affection for his memory. All he could say was:
"There, there, my dear--Well, well. It's all right." He felt foolish
and helpless.
She turned round at last, drying her eyes. "It's such a shame," she
said, still sobbing, "that that's what I shall feel about him. He's all
I had and that's what I feel. But if you knew--if you knew--all the
things he did."
They walked on again, entering Rothin Wood. "He never tried to make me
religious," she went on. "He didn't care what I felt. I sat in the
choir, and I took a Sunday-school class, and I visited the villagers,
but I, myself--what happened to me--he didn't care. He never took any
trouble about the church, he just gabbled the prayers and preached the
same old sermons. People in the village said it was a scandal and that
he ought to be turned out but no one ever did anything. They'll clean
everything up now. There'll be a new clergyman. They'll mend the holes
in the kitchen floor and the ceiling of my bedroom. It will be all new
and fresh."
"And what will you do, Maggie?" said her uncle, trying to make his
voice indifferent as though he had no personal interest in her plans.
"I haven't thought yet," she said.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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