It was not strange that Maggie did not understand Grace; Grace never
understood herself nor did she make the slightest attempt to do so. It
would be easy enough to cover the ground at once by saying that she had
no imagination, that she never went behind the thing that she saw, and
that she found the grasping of external things quite as much as she
could manage. But that is not enough. Very early indeed, when she had
been a stolid-faced little girl with a hot desire for the doll
possessed by her neighbour, she had had for nurse a woman who rejoiced
in supernatural events. With ghost stories of the most terrifying kind
she besieged Grace's young heart and mind. The child had never
imagination enough to visualise these stories in the true essence, but
she seized upon external detail-the blue lights, the white shimmering
garments, the moon and the church clock, the clanking chain and the
stain of blood upon the board.
These things were not for her, and indeed did she allow her fancy to
dwell, for a moment, upon them she was besieged at once by so horrid a
panic that she lost all control and self-possession. She therefore very
quickly put those things from her and thenceforth lived in the world as
in a castle surrounded by a dark moat filled with horrible and slimy
creatures who would raise a head at her did she so much as glance their
way.
She decided then never to look, and from a very early age those
quarters of life became to her "queer," indecent, and dangerous. All
the more she fastened her grip upon the things that she could see and
hold, and these things repaid her devotion by never deceiving her or
pretending to be what they were not. She believed intensely in forms
and repetitions; she liked everything to be where she expected it to
be, people to say the things that she expected them to say, clocks to
strike at the right time, and trains to be up to the minute. With all
this she could never be called an accurate or careful woman. She was
radically stupid, stupid in the real sense of the word, so that her
mind did not grasp a new thought or fact until it had been repeated to
her again and again, so that she had no power of expressing herself,
and a deep inaccuracy about everything and every one which she
endeavoured to cover by a stream of aimless lies that deceived no one.
She would of course have been very indignant had any one told her that
she was stupid. She hated what she called "clever people" and never had
them near her if she could help it. She was instantly suspicious of any
one who liked ideas or wanted anything changed. With all this she was
of an extreme obstinacy and a deep, deep jealousy. She clung to what
she had with the tenacity of a mollusc. What she had was in the main
Paul, and her affection for him was a very real human quality in her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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