As Paul dismissed the congregation with the Blessing he felt that
everything was over. He was more completely miserable than he had ever
been. He had in fact never before been really miserable except when he
had the toothache. And now, also, the custom of years made it
impossible for him to be miserable for long. He had had no real talk
with Maggie since the inquest. Maggie came into his study that
afternoon. Their conversation was very quiet and undemonstrative; it
happened to be one of the most important conversations in both their
lives, and, often afterwards, Paul looked back to it, trying to retrace
in it the sentences and movements with which it had been built up. He
could never recover anything very much. He could see Maggie sitting in
a way that she had on the edge of her chair, looking at him and looking
also far beyond him. He knew afterwards that this was the last moment
in his life that he had any contact with her. Like a witch, like a
ghost, she had come into his life; like a witch, like a ghost, she went
out of it, leaving him, for the remainder of his days, a haunted man.
As he looked at her he realised that she had aged in this last
fortnight. Yes, that horrible affair had taken it out of her. She
seemed to have recovered self-control at some strange and unnatural
cost--as though she had taken some potion or drug.
She began by asking Grace's question:
"Paul, what are we going to do?"
But she did not irritate him as Grace had done. His one idea was to
help her; unfortunately he had himself thought out nothing clearly.
"Well, Maggie," he answered, smiling, "I thought you might help me
about that. I want your advice. I thought--well, as a matter of fact I
hadn't settled anything--but I thought that I might get a locum for a
month or two and we might go abroad for a trip perhaps. To Paris, or
Venice, or somewhere."
"And then come back?" she asked.
"For a time--yes--certainly," he answered.
"I don't think I can ever come back to Skeaton," she said in a whisper,
as though speaking to herself. He could see that she was controlling
herself and steadying her voice with the greatest difficulty. "Of
course I must come, Paul, if you want me to. It's been all my fault
from the very beginning----"
"Oh no," he broke in, "it hasn't."
"Yes, it has. I've just spoilt your life and Grace's. You were both
very happy until I came. I had no right to marry you when I didn't love
you. I didn't know then all I know now. But that's no excuse. I should
have known. I was younger than most girls are, though."
Paul said:
"But Maggie, you're not to blame yourself at all. I think if we were
somewhere else than Skeaton it would be easier. And now after what has
happened--"
Maggie broke in: "You couldn't leave Skeaton, Paul. You know you
couldn't. It would just break your heart. All the work of your life has
been here--everything you've ever done. And Grace too."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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