"It isn't liberty, it's slavery," Maggie caught him up passionately.
"Do you suppose I haven't watched all these weeks? What does her
religion do but shut her off from everything and everybody? Is she kind
to Aunt Elizabeth? No, she isn't, and you know it. Would she care if we
were all of us buried in the ruins of this house to-morrow? Not for a
single moment. And it's her religion. I hate religion. I hate it! ...
and since I've been in this house I've hated it more and more. You
don't know what it was like with father. I don't think of it now or
talk of it, but I know what it made of HIM. And now it's the same here,
only it takes them in a different way. But it's the same in the end--no
one who's religious cares for any one. And they'd make the same of me.
Aunt Anne would--the same as she's made of Aunt Elizabeth. They haven't
said much yet, but they're waiting for the right moment, and then
they'll spring it upon me. It's in the house, it's in the rooms, it's
in the very furniture. It's as though father had come back and was
driving me into it. And I want to be free, I want to lead my own life,
to make it myself. I don't want to think about God or Heaven or Hell. I
don't care whether I'm good or bad... . What's the use of my being here
in London and never seeing anything. I'll go into a shop or something
and work my fingers to the bone. They SHAN'T catch me. They SHAN'T ...
If Uncle Mathew were here ..."
She broke off suddenly, breathless, staring at Mr. Magnus as though she
had not been aware until now that he was in the room. To say that her
outburst astonished him was to put it very mildly indeed. She had
always been so quiet and restrained; she had seemed so happy and
tranquil.
He blushed, pushed his spectacles with his fingers, then finally
stammered:
"I'd no idea--that--that you hated it so much."
She was quiet and composed again. "I don't hate it," she answered very
calmly. "Only they shan't tie me--no one shall. And in the house it's
as though some one were watching behind every door. It used to be just
the same at home. When people think a lot about religion something
seems to get into a place. Why, truly, Mr. Magnus, I've wondered once
or twice lately, in spite of myself, whether they mayn't be right after
all and God's going to come in a chariot and set the world on fire."
"It sounds silly, but when you see the way Aunt Anne and Mr. Warlock
believe things it almost makes them true."
Maggie finally added: "You mustn't think me selfish. I'm very very
grateful for all their kindness. I'm very happy. It's all splendid
compared with what life used to be at home--but I fancy sometimes that
the aunts think I'm just going to settle down here for ever and be like
them--and I'm not--I'm afraid of Aunt Anne."
"Afraid of her?" said Mr. Magnus. "Ah, you mustn't be that."
"She has some plan in her head. I know she has--"
"No plan is set except for your good," said Mr. Magnus.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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