"One evening after dinner I was sitting alone with Vera Soudin; her
mother had not been well enough to come down to dinner, and the other
men had retired to the billiard-room. The light from the candles was
overpowered by the brightness of the fire, and as she leant back, this
ruddy glow gave an additional attraction to the delicate beauty of her
face. I forgot for the moment all about my new power, and sat looking
at her without speaking, the whole force of my will unconsciously
exercised in a desire to gain her love. She sat silent, gazing at the
burning logs as though unconscious of my presence. Then I recognized an
inaudible voice speaking. I use the words ’voice’ and ’speaking’
because as yet our language is too imperfect to express any sensations
connected with the sixth sense. The sentence was, however,
unmistakable.
"’_I love him._’
"I answered her aloud. ’Why do you?’
"Her face flushed and then lost all colour save what the firelight cast
there. ’Why do I what?’ she stammered.
"I cared for her too much to press my advantage. ’I love you!’ I said,
and getting up I went over and knelt by her side; then looking into her
eyes I saw an expression that I had never seen before.
"What man who has once been brought under this influence could ever
forget it--man’s passion reflected upon woman’s nature, the idealized
counterpart of his sensations revealed on the idol of worship? In a
moment such as this, reason is trampled under the feet of a hundred new
emotions, hurrying forward to find expression, and the man’s action will
be determined by natural instincts, and not, as is more often the case,
by the training and habits which have moulded them. During such times
of intoxication we become for once natural; and as all men tend by
nature, if on a lower plane, to idiocy, if on a higher to madness, such
moments are best kept private. An observer missing the more delicate
atmosphere of pathos which ever surrounds a truly comic situation, is
apt to rest his own instability more on the stick of ridicule than the
crutch of pity.
"As, however, owing to the power which I have of reading other people’s
thoughts of myself, my nature has become impervious to scorn; and as it
is better that you should have the opportunity of judging my actions
impartially, I will throw off reserve as far as possible.
"We remained much in the same attitude for an indefinite period of
sensations, which may probably have extended to thirty minutes, her
hands clasped in mine as we talked together. As far as I can remember,
the conversation rested principally with me, and her answers came back
chiefly in unspoken thoughts. I will endeavour to give you an idea of
what passed between us, audibly and inaudibly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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