Fantasy fiction; Near-death experiences -- Fiction; Religious fiction; Spiritual life -- Fiction
She came up to me with a sort of proud confidence, and looked at me
fixedly. "Yes," she said, "I see that I can trust you; and I am tired of
being deceived!" Then she added with a sort of pettishness, "I have
nowhere to go, nothing to do--it is all dull and cold. On earth it was
just the opposite. I had only too much attention and love.... Oh, yes,"
she added with a strange glance, "it was what you would probably call
sinful. The only man I ever loved did not care for me, and I was loved
by many for whom I did not care. Well, I had my pleasures, and I suppose
I must pay for them. I do not complain of that. But I am determined not
to give way: it is unjust and cruel. I never had a chance. I was always
brought up to be admired from the first. We were rich at my home, and in
society--you understand? I made what was called a good match, and I
never cared for my husband, but amused myself with other people; and it
was splendid while it lasted: then all kinds of horrible things
happened--scenes, explanations, a lawsuit--it makes me shudder to
remember it all; and then I was ill, I suppose, and suddenly it was all
over, and I was alone, with a feeling that I must try to take up with
all kinds of tiresome things--all the things that bored me most. But now
it may be going to be better; you can tell me where I can find people,
perhaps? I am not quite unpresentable, even here? No, I can see that in
your face. Well, take me somewhere, show me something, find something
for me to do in this deadly place. I seem to have got into a perpetual
sunset, and I am so sick of it all."
I felt very helpless before this beautiful creature who seemed so
troubled and discontented. "No," said the voice of Amroth beside me, "it
is of no use to talk; let her talk to you; let her make friends with you
if she can."
"That's better," she said, looking at me. "I was afraid you were going
to be grave and serious. I felt for a minute as if I was going to be
confirmed."
"No," I said, "you need not be disturbed; nothing will be done to you
against your wish. One has but to wish here, or to be willing, and the
right thing happens."
She came close to me as I said this, and said, "Well, I think I shall
like you, if only you can promise not to be serious." Then she turned,
and stood for a moment disconsolate, looking away from me.
All this while the atmosphere around me had been becoming lighter and
clearer, as though a mist were rising. Suddenly Amroth said, "You will
have to go with her for a time, and do what you can. I must leave you
for a little, but I shall not be far off; and if you need me, I shall be
at hand. But do not call for me unless you are quite sure you need me."
He gave me a hand-clasp and a smile, and was gone.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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