“I shall never, Master Copperfield,” said Mrs. Micawber, “revert to
the period when Mr. Micawber was in difficulties without thinking of
you. Your conduct has always been of the most delicate and obliging
description. You have never been a lodger. You have been a friend.”
“My dear,” said Mr. Micawber, “Copperfield,” for so he had been
accustomed to call me of late, “has a heart to feel for the distresses
of his fellow-creatures when they are behind a cloud, and a head to
plan, and a hand to--in short, a general ability to dispose of such
available property as could be made away with.”
I expressed my sense of this commendation, and said I was very sorry we
were going to lose one another.
“My dear young friend,” said Mr. Micawber, “I am older than you; a man
of some experience in life, and--and of some experience, in short, in
difficulties, generally speaking. At present, and until something turns
up (which I am, I may say, hourly expecting), I have nothing to bestow
but advice. Still, my advice is so far worth taking, that--in short,
that I have never taken it myself, and am the”--here Mr. Micawber, who
had been beaming and smiling, all over his head and face, up to the
present moment, checked himself and frowned--“the miserable wretch you
behold.”
“My dear Micawber!” urged his wife.
“I say,” returned Mr. Micawber, quite forgetting himself, and smiling
again, “the miserable wretch you behold. My advice is, never do
to-morrow what you can do to-day. Procrastination is the thief of time.
Collar him!”
“My poor papa’s maxim,” Mrs. Micawber observed.
“My dear,” said Mr. Micawber, “your papa was very well in his way, and
Heaven forbid that I should disparage him. Take him for all in all, we
ne’er shall--in short, make the acquaintance, probably, of anybody else
possessing, at his time of life, the same legs for gaiters, and able to
read the same description of print without spectacles. But he applied
that maxim to our marriage, my dear; and that was so far prematurely
entered into, in consequence, that I never recovered the expense.”
Mr. Micawber looked aside at Mrs. Micawber, and added: “Not that I am
sorry for it. Quite the contrary, my love.” After which he was grave
for a minute or so.
“My other piece of advice, Copperfield,” said Mr. Micawber, “you know.
Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen ought and
six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure
twenty pounds ought and six, result misery. The blossom is blighted,
the leaf is withered, the God of day goes down upon the dreary scene,
and--and in short you are for ever floored. As I am!”
To make his example the more impressive, Mr. Micawber drank a glass of
punch with an air of great enjoyment and satisfaction and whistled the
College Hornpipe.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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