We have a general idea that its subject had been in the leather trade,
and had bought us--meaning Our School--of another proprietor who was
immensely learned. Whether this belief had any real foundation, we are
not likely ever to know now. The only branches of education with which
he showed the least acquaintance were ruling and corporally punishing.
He was always ruling ciphering-books with a bloated mahogany ruler, or
smiting the palms of offenders with the same diabolical instrument,
or viciously drawing a pair of pantaloons tight with one of his large
hands, and caning the wearer with the other. We have no doubt whatever
that this occupation was the principal solace of his existence.
A profound respect for money pervaded Our School, which was, of course,
derived from its Chief. We remember an idiotic goggle-eyed boy,
with a big head and half-crowns without end, who suddenly appeared
as a parlor-boarder, and was rumored to have come by sea from some
mysterious part of the earth where his parents rolled in gold. He was
usually called “Mr.” by the Chief, and was said to feed in the parlor
on steaks and gravy; likewise to drink currant wine. And he openly
stated that if rolls and coffee were ever denied him at breakfast,
he would write home to that unknown part of the globe from which he
had come, and cause himself to be recalled to the regions of gold.
He was put into no form or class, but learned alone, as little as he
liked--and he liked very little--and there was a belief among us that
this was because he was too wealthy to be “taken down.” His special
treatment, and our vague association of him with the sea, and with
storms, and sharks, and coral reefs, occasioned the wildest legends to
be circulated as his history. A tragedy in blank verse was written on
the subject--if our memory does not deceive us, by the hand that now
chronicles these recollections--in which his father figured as Pirate,
and was shot for a voluminous catalogue of atrocities: first imparting
to his wife the secret of the cave in which his wealth was stored, and
from which his only son’s half-crowns now issued. Dumbledon (the boy’s
name) was represented as “yet unborn” when his brave father met his
fate; and the despair and grief of Mrs. Dumbledon at that calamity was
movingly shadowed forth as having weakened the parlor-boarder’s mind.
This production was received with great favor, and was twice performed
with closed doors in the dining-room. But it got wind, and was seized
as libellous, and brought the unlucky poet into severe affliction. Some
two years afterward, all of a sudden one day, Dumbledon vanished. It
was whispered that the Chief himself had taken him down to the docks,
and re-shipped him for the Spanish Main; but nothing certain was ever
known about his disappearance. At this hour, we cannot thoroughly
disconnect him from California.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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