When did that dreadful Mask first look at me? Who put it on, and why
was I so frightened that the sight of it is an era in my life? It is
not a hideous visage in itself; it is even meant to be droll; why then
were its stolid features so intolerable? Surely not because it hid the
wearer’s face. An apron would have done as much; and though I should
have preferred even the apron away, it would not have been absolutely
insupportable, like the mask. Was it the immovability of the mask?
The doll’s face was immovable, but I was not afraid of _her_.
Perhaps that fixed and set change coming over a real face infused into
my quickened heart some remote suggestion and dread of the universal
change that is to come on every face and make it still? Nothing
reconciled me to it. No drummers, from whom proceeded a melancholy
chirping on the turning of a handle; no regiment of soldiers, with a
mute band, taken out of a box, and fitted, one by one, upon a stiff
and lazy little set of lazy-tongs; no old woman, made of wires and
a brown-paper composition, cutting up a pie for two small children,
could give me a permanent comfort, for a long time. Nor was it any
satisfaction to be shown the Mask, and see that it was made of paper,
or to have it locked up and be assured that no one wore it. The mere
recollection of that fixed face, the mere knowledge of its existence
anywhere, was sufficient to awake me in the night all perspiration and
horror, with, “Oh, I know its coming! Oh, the mask!”
I never wondered what the dear old donkey with the panniers--there he
is! was made of, then! His hide was real to the touch, I recollect. And
the great black horse with the round red spots all over him--the horse
that I could even get upon--I never wondered what had brought him to
that strange condition, or thought that such a horse was not commonly
seen at Newmarket. The four horses of no color, next to him, that went
into the wagon of cheeses, and could be taken out and stabled under the
piano, appear to have bits of fur-tippet for their tails, and other
bits for their manes, and to stand on pegs instead of legs; but it was
not so when they were brought home for a Christmas present. They were
all right, then; neither was their harness unceremoniously nailed into
their chests, as appears to be the case now. The tinkling works of the
music-cart, I _did_ find out, to be made of quill toothpicks and
wire; and I always thought that little tumbler in his shirt-sleeves,
perpetually swarming up one side of a wooden frame, and coming down,
head foremost, on the other, rather a weak-minded person--though
good-natured; but the Jacob’s Ladder, next him, made of little squares
of red wood, that went flapping and clattering over one another, each
developing a different picture, and the whole enlivened by small bells,
was a mighty marvel and a great delight.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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