The Chimes: A Goblin Story of Some Bells That Rang an Old Year out and a New Year InDickens, Charles
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The Chimes: A Goblin Story of Some Bells That Rang an Old Year out and a New Year In
Dickens, Charles
Christmas stories; Holidays -- Fiction
‘A man may live to be as old as Methuselah,’ said Mr. Filer, ‘and may
labour all his life for the benefit of such people as those; and may heap
up facts on figures, facts on figures, facts on figures, mountains high
and dry; and he can no more hope to persuade ’em that they have no right
or business to be married, than he can hope to persuade ’em that they
have no earthly right or business to be born. And _that_ we know they
haven’t. We reduced it to a mathematical certainty long ago!’
Alderman Cute was mightily diverted, and laid his right forefinger on the
side of his nose, as much as to say to both his friends, ‘Observe me,
will you! Keep your eye on the practical man!’—and called Meg to him.
‘Come here, my girl!’ said Alderman Cute.
The young blood of her lover had been mounting, wrathfully, within the
last few minutes; and he was indisposed to let her come. But, setting a
constraint upon himself, he came forward with a stride as Meg approached,
and stood beside her. Trotty kept her hand within his arm still, but
looked from face to face as wildly as a sleeper in a dream.
‘Now, I’m going to give you a word or two of good advice, my girl,’ said
the Alderman, in his nice easy way. ‘It’s my place to give advice, you
know, because I’m a Justice. You know I’m a Justice, don’t you?’
Meg timidly said, ‘Yes.’ But everybody knew Alderman Cute was a Justice!
Oh dear, so active a Justice always! Who such a mote of brightness in
the public eye, as Cute!
‘You are going to be married, you say,’ pursued the Alderman. ‘Very
unbecoming and indelicate in one of your sex! But never mind that.
After you are married, you’ll quarrel with your husband and come to be a
distressed wife. You may think not; but you will, because I tell you so.
Now, I give you fair warning, that I have made up my mind to Put
distressed wives Down. So, don’t be brought before me. You’ll have
children—boys. Those boys will grow up bad, of course, and run wild in
the streets, without shoes and stockings. Mind, my young friend! I’ll
convict ’em summarily, every one, for I am determined to Put boys without
shoes and stockings, Down. Perhaps your husband will die young (most
likely) and leave you with a baby. Then you’ll be turned out of doors,
and wander up and down the streets. Now, don’t wander near me, my dear,
for I am resolved, to Put all wandering mothers Down. All young mothers,
of all sorts and kinds, it’s my determination to Put Down. Don’t think
to plead illness as an excuse with me; or babies as an excuse with me;
for all sick persons and young children (I hope you know the
church-service, but I’m afraid not) I am determined to Put Down. And if
you attempt, desperately, and ungratefully, and impiously, and
fraudulently attempt, to drown yourself, or hang yourself, I’ll have no
pity for you, for I have made up my mind to Put all suicide Down! If
there is one thing,’ said the Alderman, with his self-satisfied smile,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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