The Choice Humorous Works, Ludicrous Adventures, Bons Mots, Puns, and Hoaxes of Theodore HookHook, Theodore Edward
General
The Choice Humorous Works, Ludicrous Adventures, Bons Mots, Puns, and Hoaxes of Theodore Hook
Hook, Theodore Edward
English wit and humor
"Can any thing be so far from true taste, as to round the ears
of a dog, or to cut them off; whatever may be the beauty, breed,
or character, to cut off the thumb, or fifth toe, and call it
a Dew claw, and consider it of no use! To chop off the tail
of a waggon-horse, so necessary and useful to that class of
creature; above all, to separate every joint of the tail, with
all the misery attending upon it, in order to reverse the order
of Nature, and make that turn up which ought to turn down, all
equally show the want of taste, as the want of humanity? Who has
ever witnessed the operation last alluded to, if not, pause; and
in your imagination, behold a nobly-formed, and finely-tempered
creature, led from the stable in all the pride of health, and all
the playful confidence of being led out, and held by his master
and his friend, view the hobbles fastened to his legs, his feet
drawn to a point, and himself cast to the earth, so contrary
to his expectations and his hopes; observe the commencement,
and the lingering process; behold the wreathing of the lovely
and as useful animal; how does his heaving breast manifest
his astonishment, while his greatly oppressed and labouring
heart beats high with resentment, at being thus tampered. His
quivering flesh sends through every pore streams of sweat; his
open nostrils are bursting with agony of body and spirit, while
his strained eye-balls flash as with the fixed glare of expiring
nature. Heard you that groan? poor animal. They have began the
deed of barbarism! he faintly shrieks, 'tis as the piteous cry
of the timid hare, when sinking under the deadly gripe of the
fierce, agile, and ravenous greyhound. How he grinds his teeth,
and bores his tightly-twitched and twisted lip, and smoking
nostril, into the thick litter, or grovelling, rubs his aching
forehead into the loose sand; now the sudden and convulsive
effort! what a struggle! every nerve, sinew, tendon, stretched
to its full bearing, with fearful energy! Oh! that he could now
disencumber his fettered limbs, and spring from his tormentors.
Those limbs, that would joyfully bound over the broad plain,
or patient bear the cumbrous load, nor utter one complaint in
the deep toil; or drag with unwearied submission, harnessed,
galled, and parched with thirst, the lumbering machine to the
very borders of his opening tomb. He groans again, the struggle's
over, and he again lays down; while the hoarse breathing and his
panting sides, prove that all his energies, his mighty energies,
have failed: and the work goes on, still continues, and now
another and another gash, and now the iron hook, to tear out from
among the separated complicated bones, the tenacious ligament
that binds the strong vertebræ; and lastly the burning steel to
staunch the streaming blood. Tedious process!--but at length it
ceases, and the noble, towering, majestic steed is led back,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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