The Choice Humorous Works, Ludicrous Adventures, Bons Mots, Puns, and Hoaxes of Theodore HookHook, Theodore Edward
General
The Choice Humorous Works, Ludicrous Adventures, Bons Mots, Puns, and Hoaxes of Theodore Hook
Hook, Theodore Edward
English wit and humor
The first object which tended to convert us from our original
prejudiced opinion on the subject, was the sight of that most
melancholy assemblage of people called "Epsom Races." Upwards of
fifty thousand of the most unhappy of our fellow-countrymen, victims
of tyranny and taxation, no longer ago than the week before last,
dragged their wretched limbs to this sad and deplorable spectacle;
and the vast sums of money taken from some of them, and the immense
quantity of provisions and liquor which the poorer part of the slaves
were compelled to devour, were unparalleled, we believe, on any
former similar occasion.
It made our hearts bleed to behold our excellent and free-born
tailor driving, with great labour and danger, a tandem, with two
blood-horses; and we nearly wept when we found that our bootmaker and
his unhappy family could only afford a barouche and four, hired for
the day.
But we had, also, an eye to the agricultural part of the question;
and we were struck with horror and amazement at the pale, emaciated,
and threadbare appearance of the broken-down farmers of Surrey,
Berks, and Bucks, who crawled out to the mournful scene upon their
starving ponies, for which some, in their despair for money, were
wild enough to ask seventy, eighty, and a hundred guineas each.
At the inns on the road, the expenses the tax-ridden slaves incurred
were abominable. A hatter in Bond Street was charged seventeen
shillings a bottle for champagne; and a wretched party of landholders
in the neighbourhood of Leatherhead, who have threatened to abandon
their farms, were driven by their grief to drink two dozen and four
bottles of that shameful imposition upon British credulity called
Chateau Margaux.
On our return from Epsom (having to cross the country) we passed
through Kingston. Woe, grief, and mendicity there had established
their tribunal. Petitions and remonstrances were all in array; and,
in order to give the mourning victims of that devoted parish an
opportunity of assembling occasionally to grieve in unison, some
sympathetic philanthropists in the vicinity have built a theatre or
circus, wherein a Miss Hengler endeavours nightly to solace their
incurable woes, by dancing on wires, balancing tobacco-pipes, and
swallowing live cockchafers. Such an expedient was never hit upon
at this distance from town, till the melancholy aspect of things in
general pointed out the absolute necessity of it in this wretched
year.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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