The Choice Humorous Works, Ludicrous Adventures, Bons Mots, Puns, and Hoaxes of Theodore HookHook, Theodore Edward
General
The Choice Humorous Works, Ludicrous Adventures, Bons Mots, Puns, and Hoaxes of Theodore Hook
Hook, Theodore Edward
English wit and humor
'Fancy's visions, like the sand,
Every idle mark receive;
Lines are traced by every hand,
Which no lasting impress leave.'"
"But _her_ hand," said I.
"You took and shook," replied he, "and very wisely too; but recollect
it was nearly dark when we made our exit."
"And you insulted the father----"
"----who first affronted _me_," said Daly; "and even if the girls
_did_ know me this morning, and recognise me as assistant clerk
to the deputy-assistant surveyor of the Paddington Canal Company,
the deuce is in it if the whole family must not respect me as a
high-minded, honourable, and conscientious assistant clerk."
"Yes, but it was quite light enough when we arrived," said I, "to see
them and their beauties; why not light enough for them to see our
deformities?"
"Deformities!" said Daly; "speak for yourself, Mr. Gurney; women
don't care so much for men's beauty as you may suppose. Here am
I--plain, but genteel, like a Wedgwood teapot--I make my way, and
whatever you may think of yourself and Miss Fanny, I flatter myself
Gussy, as her ma' called her, was equally well pleased with your
humble servant."
"And yet we may never see either of them again," said I.
"I am not so sure of that," said Daly; "I have done worse to a father
than I did to Dod in the course of my life, and yet have come to be
domesticated in the family afterwards."
"As how?" said I.
"Some three years since," said Daly, "I was down at my friend's
Sir Marmaduke Wrigglesworth's, in Surrey--charming place--nice
wife--excellent shooting--capital cook--and inexhaustible cellars.
'Marmaduke,' said I, 'I hate battues; here you have a party staying
for the wholesale slaughter of pheasants--eleven double barrels all
of a row--more chance of homicide than sport; do me the kindness to
let me off, and permit me to "range the fields" by myself, and I
will consent to be laughed at for my small gains when the card comes
in before dinner.' 'Do as you like,' said Wrigglesworth; 'this is
Liberty Hall; shoot alone or in company--with dogs or without--have
the keeper or not--_comme il vous plaira_.' Accordingly, away I went,
more eager for the sport, as having to render an account of my single
exploits, young enough to do my day's work well, and strong enough
to bring my day's work home. I admit I was not quite so well pleased
with what I saw, or rather what I did not see, as I went on: birds
were scarce, wild, and shy, and I did not get a shot for the first
hour, except at a venerable rabbit, who had retired from public life,
but who had somewhat incautiously left his tail out of the burrow
which he had selected for his final retreat; at him I went, and he
died--first tenant of my bag."
"A tenant in tail," said I, punning professionally.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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