On and on he went, while each black street along which he hurried was
stabbed ever and again by the opening and shutting of a ruddy door.
In the silence one heard it plain, the heavy sound of a door that
closed because it did not know him. At length he had passed the city
portals and was mounting the hill-slope that is Golgotha, a form all
pale upon the dark, blown hair and robe and pattering feet. There the
Child turned, for it seemed he was the little Prince of that city,
and all the folk his kin. Rising a-tiptoe he stretched out his hands,
cross-wise, to them in love, and suddenly the sun, withheld, leaped
kingly above the hills beyond Jordan, and the silent air was full of
wings and of voices, the chant of the Christmas angels singing home the
Homeless One, and in that flood of light and song all that city knew
the Child they had lost their own, forever.
Slowly, before the Bishop’s eyes, that gold radiance dimmed into the
bleak gray twilight that was stealing over his room. Sharp as life
shall strike at visions came a sound from below that struck the dreamy
smile from his lips, leaving a twitching pain; certain sounds had that
power of intolerable renewal. A homely enough sound, merely the thud
of a lid dropped upon a flour bin, but it seemed now to be a flour bin
in a doll-house pantry in their first Rectory, his and Annie’s. He
would seek her there before going out to his parish calls. She would be
standing with her back to him, hands deep in dough, and would turn to
him her cheek, olive that always went rose beneath his kiss. He could
still hear the catch of her breath as she whispered good-by, for Annie,
deeply joyous, had yet always treated joy a little apprehensively,
as if knowing it would not last so very long. Looking back over many
years, the Bishop thought how young Annie had been when she died, and
Nan had been younger still. Nan! There it was again! That flash of hot
pain through his head, followed by a numbing dullness, even stranger
to bear. He had felt this several times of late. The Bishop ran a hand
over his forehead. He seemed to be floating far, without thought, yet
this was not sleep. Slowly, slowly, he drew back, but his thoughts
were heavy, not clear. He seemed to lie there waiting, waiting for
something. Surely thus he had always waited on Christmas morning. He
listened. It would come in a moment. There! A scurry along the hall,
the clatter of the door-handle, a rush, a jump, curls, lips, bubbling
chuckles, little cold toes to be warmed in his hand! Hear the shouts
and the singing of her, feel the pummelling of her little hands!
“Christmas! Christmas! Christmas!” shrilling straight up to the angels!
Was she not Christmas joy turned mad, his little girl!
He was full awake now. His lips formed a word. We are very weary of old
pain repeated when we whisper out to God like that.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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