There was worse than this, too, as the Bishop looked, clear-eyed, on
his failure. He must one day leave to this man his Westbury, if not, as
chance and choice might direct, his diocese. It had been the Bishop’s
comfort to believe, sensitive as he had been to the great currents
of unrest and indifference in the world at large, that Westbury
had remained exquisitely old-fashioned. Yet it was by the will of
the congregation of St. John’s that the Southside Mission had been
closed, the mission the Bishop had seen their fathers found, with free
outpouring of themselves and their purses. Had the Westbury of to-day
grown Judas-jealous of squandering both self and money? The Bishop must
one day go forth from Westbury leaving it--nothing! And whose could be
the fault but his own?
And his failure with Newbold, his failure with Westbury, they were
but typical of the failure of his work at large. Of all the gifts of
mystery that God gives to man, surely the greatest is the mystery of
failure! Wisdom inscrutable that commands work, yet enjoins failure!
Mystery of mysteries, that a burning love for that Love Incarnate born
at Bethlehem, could not break through the flesh to solace a world
a-thirst! The Bishop had loved, yet he had failed to serve. He did not
even know how to give peace, as from a chalice, to this harried soul
before him.
The worn gray face, intent, gave small clue to the thoughts within.
Always Newbold watched, watched, waiting for a word. Which way would
it swing, that word? His soul also was poised, waiting.
The Bishop bowed his head upon his hand. He had never felt so utterly
alone. Involuntarily, from sheer force of habit belonging to all his
moments of unbearable solitude, the Bishop’s thought turned to the
Friend. He had always understood, would He understand now, despair at
failure to God’s trust?
Suddenly the Bishop’s eyes opened wide and strange. He saw a
storm-scourged hill, a mob. Understand failure? What man had ever
loved like the Nazarene? What man had ever failed in such transcendent
loneliness?
The room fell quiet as a sanctuary. Awed with understanding, the Bishop
closed his eyes, to be alone. His thought said, “All other things He
has shared with me. He shares also this.”
Quiet, long quiet, that at last grew a-throb with pulses. So many the
mountains of Transfiguration, and at the bottom always the tumult and
the faithlessness. The mental habit of many years steadied the Bishop
as he drew slowly back to the actual: when some sorrow of his own grew
too poignant to be borne, he always forced himself to go forth to the
person nearest at hand, compelling his mind to the other’s affairs.
Such effort, although at first it might be so perfunctory that he was
ashamed, ended in full sincerity. Too tired to speak now, he smiled
over to Newbold his old sunny smile, meaning that all was well between
them.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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