The Christmas Books of Mr. M.A. TitmarshThackeray, William Makepeace
General
The Christmas Books of Mr. M.A. Titmarsh
Thackeray, William Makepeace
Christmas stories, English
Captain Bragg, then occupied in building Bungalow Lodge--Bragg, I say,
living on the first floor, and entertaining sea-captains, merchants, and
East Indian friends with his grand ship's plate, being disappointed in a
project of marrying a director's daughter, who was also a second
cousin once removed of a peer,--sent in a fury for Mrs. Cammysole, his
landlady, and proposed to marry Flora off-hand, and settle four
hundred a year upon her. Flora was ordered from the back-parlor (the
ground-floor occupies the second-floor bedroom), and was on the spot
made acquainted with the splendid offer which the first-floor had made
her. She has been Mrs. Captain Bragg these twelve years.
Bragg to this day wears anchor-buttons, and has a dress-coat with a gold
strap for epaulets, in case he should have a fancy to sport them. His
house is covered with portraits, busts, and miniatures of himself. His
wife is made to wear one of the latter. On his sideboard are pieces
of plate, presented by the passengers of the "Ram Chunder" to Captain
Bragg: "The 'Ram Chunder' East Indiaman, in a gale, off Table Bay;"
"The Outward-bound Fleet, under convoy of her Majesty's frigate
'Loblollyboy,' Captain Gutch, beating off the French squadron, under
Commodore Leloup (the 'Ram Chunder,' S.E. by E., is represented engaged
with the 'Mirliton' corvette);" "The 'Ram Chunder' standing into the
Hooghly, with Captain Bragg, his telescope and speaking-trumpet, on the
poop;" "Captain Bragg presenting the Officers of the 'Ram Chunder' to
General Bonaparte at St. Helena--TITMARSH" (this fine piece was painted
by me when I was in favor with Bragg); in a word, Bragg and the "Ram
Chunder" are all over the house.
Although I have eaten scores of dinners at Captain Bragg's charge,
yet his hospitality is so insolent, that none of us who frequent his
mahogany feel any obligation to our braggart entertainer.
After he has given one of his great heavy dinners he always takes an
opportunity to tell you, in the most public way, how many bottles of
wine were drunk. His pleasure is to make his guests tipsy, and to
tell everybody how and when the period of inebriation arose. And Miss
Clapperclaw tells me that he often comes over laughing and giggling
to her, and pretending that he has brought ME into this condition--a
calumny which I fling contemptuously in his face.
He scarcely gives any but men's parties, and invites the whole club home
to dinner. What is the compliment of being asked, when the whole club is
asked too, I should like to know? Men's parties are only good for boys.
I hate a dinner where there are no women. Bragg sits at the head of his
table, and bullies the solitary Mrs. Bragg.
He entertains us with stories of storms which he, Bragg, encountered--of
dinners which he, Bragg, has received from the Governor-General of
India--of jokes which he, Bragg, has heard; and however stale or odious
they may be, poor Mrs. B. is always expected to laugh.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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