A strange stillness hung over the restaurant; it was one of those rare
moments when the orchestra was not discoursing the strains of the
Ice-cream Sailor waltz.
"Did I ever tell you," asked Clovis of his friend, "the tragedy of
music at mealtimes?
"It was a gala evening at the Grand Sybaris Hotel, and a special dinner
was being served in the Amethyst dining-hall. The Amethyst dining-hall
had almost a European reputation, especially with that section of
Europe which is historically identified with the Jordan Valley. Its
cooking was beyond reproach, and its orchestra was sufficiently highly
salaried to be above criticism. Thither came in shoals the intensely
musical and the almost intensely musical, who are very many, and in
still greater numbers the merely musical, who know how Tchaikowsky's
name is pronounced and can recognize several of Chopin's nocturnes if
you give them due warning; these eat in the nervous, detached manner of
roebuck feeding in the open, and keep anxious ears cocked towards the
orchestra for the first hint of a recognizable melody.
"'Ah, yes, Pagliacci,' they murmur, as the opening strains follow hot
upon the soup, and if no contradiction is forthcoming from any
better-informed quarter they break forth into subdued humming by way of
supplementing the efforts of the musicians. Sometimes the melody
starts on level terms with the soup, in which case the banqueters
contrive somehow to hum between the spoonfuls; the facial expression of
enthusiasts who are punctuating potage St. Germain with Pagliacci is
not beautiful, but it should be seen by those who are bent on observing
all sides of life. One cannot discount the unpleasant things of this
world merely by looking the other way.
"In addition to the aforementioned types the restaurant was patronized
by a fair sprinkling of the absolutely nonmusical; their presence in
the dining-hall could only be explained on the supposition that they
had come there to dine.
"The earlier stages of the dinner had worn off. The wine lists had
been consulted, by some with the blank embarrassment of a schoolboy
suddenly called on to locate a Minor Prophet in the tangled hinterland
of the Old Testament, by others with the severe scrutiny which suggests
that they have visited most of the higher-priced wines in their own
homes and probed their family weaknesses. The diners who chose their
wine in the latter fashion always gave their orders in a penetrating
voice, with a plentiful garnishing of stage directions. By insisting
on having your bottle pointing to the north when the cork is being
drawn, and calling the waiter Max, you may induce an impression on your
guests which hours of laboured boasting might be powerless to achieve.
For this purpose, however, the guests must be chosen as carefully as
the wine.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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