He talked about his father’s pictures; tried in vain to discover whether
he had sold enough for their wants, whether the orders he had received
were as numerous, whether his strength permitted him to carry them all
out. He talked about the thousand things that must have happened, the
thousand things they must have done since last he was with them. And
everything he said, she answered gently, disregarding all opportunity to
force the conversation to the subject upon which her heart was set. But
in her eyes, there was a mute, a patient look of appeal.
The true mother is the last woman in the world to beg for confidence.
She must win it; then it comes from the heart. In John’s silence on
that one subject that was so near as to be one with the very centre of
her being, it was as though she had lost the power of prayer in that
moment of her life when she must need it most.
At last she could bear it no longer. It could not be want of confidence
in her, she told herself. He was hurt. Some circumstance, some
unhappiness had stung him to silence. Instinctively, she could feel the
pain of it. Her heart ached. She knew his must be aching too.
"John," she said at length and she laid both those poor withered hands
in his--"John--you’re unhappy."
He tried to meet her eyes; but they were too bright; they saw too
keenly, and his own fell. The next moment, with straining powerless
efforts, she had drawn him on to his knees beside her chair, his head
was buried in her lap and her hands were gently stroking his hair in a
swift, soothing motion.
"You can tell me everything," she whispered; and oh, the terrible things
that fond heart of hers imagined! Terrible things they seemed to her,
but they would have brought a smile into John’s face despite himself,
had he heard them. "You can tell me everything," she whispered again.
"There’s nothing to tell, dearest," he replied.
For there was nothing to tell; nothing that she would understand. The
pain of his losing Jill, would only become her pain as well, and could
she ever judge rightly of Jill’s marriage with another man, if she knew?
She would only take his side. That dear, good, gentle heart of hers was
only capable of judging of things in his favour. She would form an
utterly false opinion and, he could not bear that. Much as he needed
sympathy, the want of it was better than misunderstanding.
"There’s nothing to tell," he repeated.
Still she stroked his head. There was not even one thought of
impatience in the touch of her fingers. It may be said without fear or
hesitation that a mother at least knows her own child; and this is the
way with children when they are in trouble. They will assure you there
is nothing to tell. She did not despair at that. For as with John
asking his question of Jill in Kensington Gardens, so she asked, because
she knew.
"Isn’t it about the Lady of St. Joseph?" she said presently. "Isn’t
that why you’re unhappy?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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