Even though occupied with other thoughts, I was surprised that my rescuer
didn’t respond to my civility, for another result of the war is the ease
with which the men and women who have been engaged in it get on terms
of natural acquaintanceship. When artificial barriers are removed, it
is extraordinary how quickly we go back to primitive human simplicity.
Social and sex considerations have thus been minimized to a degree which,
it seems to me, will make it difficult ever to re-establish them in their
old first place. They say it was an advance in civilization when we
ceased to see each other as primarily males and females and knew we were
men and women. Possibly the war will lead us a step farther still and
reveal us as children of one family.
That a nurse shouldn’t have a friendly word for a partly incapacitated
man struck me, therefore, as odd, though my mind would not have dwelt on
the circumstance if she hadn’t released my arm as abruptly as she had
taken it. Having helped me to reach a comparatively empty quarter of the
deck, she had counted, apparently, on the slowness and awkwardness of my
movements to slip away before I could turn round.
When I managed this feat she was already some yards down the length of
the deck, hurrying back toward the crowd from which we had emerged. I saw
then that she was too little to be tall and too tall to be considered
little. Moreover, she carried herself proudly, placing her dainty feet
daintily, and walking with that care which people display when they
are not certain of their ability to walk straight. Reaching one of the
entrances, she went in, exactly as I had seen a woman pass through a
doorway two years four months and three weeks before.
I was sure it was she—and yet I told myself it couldn’t be. I told myself
it couldn’t be, for the reason that I had been deceived so frequently
before that I had grown distrustful of my senses. All through the
intervening time I had been getting glimpses of a slight figure here,
of an alert movement there, of the poise of a head, of the wave of a
hand—that for an instant would make my heart stop beating; but in the
end it had meant nothing but the stirring of old memories. In this case
I could have been convinced if the coincidence had not put too great a
strain on all the probabilities.
I was to learn later that there was no coincidence; but I must tell my
story in its right order.
The right order takes me back to my return to New York, after my week-end
at Mrs. Grace’s, on the morning of June 29, 1914.
During the two or three hours of jogging down the length of Long Island
in the train I tried to keep out of my mind all thoughts but one; having
deposited my bags at my rooms, I should go to Stinson’s.
With regard to this intention I was clearly aware of a threefold blend of
reaction.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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