A word of advice to other barbarians. Do not bring a north-country servant into Calcutta. He is sure to get into trouble, because he does not understand the customs of the city. A Punjabi in this place for the first time esteems it his bounden duty to go to the _Ajaib-ghar_--the Museum. Such an one has gone and is even now returned very angry and troubled in the spirit. “I went to the Museum,” says he, “and no one gave me any _gali_. I went to the market to buy my food, and then I sat upon a seat. There came a _chaprissi_ who said: ‘Go away, I want to sit here.’ I said: ‘I am here first.’ He said: ‘I am a _chaprissi_! _nikal jao!_’ and he hit me. Now that sitting-place was open to all, so I hit him till he wept. He ran away for the Police, and I went away too, for the Police here are all _Sahibs_. Can I have leave from two o’clock to go and look for that _chaprissi_ and hit him again?” Behold the situation! An unknown city full of smell that makes one long for rest and retirement, and a champing _naukar_, not yet six hours in the stew, who has started a blood-feud with an unknown _chaprissi_ and clamors to go forth to the fray. General orders that, whatever may be said or done to him, he must not say or do anything in return lead to an eloquent harangue on the quality of _izzat_ and the nature of “face blackening.” There is no _izzat_ in Calcutta, and this Awful Smell blackens the face of any Englishman who sniffs it. Alas! for the lost delusion of the heritage that was to be restored. Let us sleep, let us sleep, and pray that Calcutta may be better to-morrow. At present it is remarkably like sleeping with a corpse. CHAPTER II. THE REFLECTIONS OF A SAVAGE. Morning brings counsel. _Does_ Calcutta smell so pestiferously after all? Heavy rain has fallen in the night. She is newly-washed, and the clear sunlight shows her at her best. Where, oh where, in all this wilderness of life, shall a man go? Newman and Co. publish a three-rupee guide which produces first despair and then fear in the mind of the reader. Let us drop Newman and Co. out of the topmost window of the Great Eastern, trusting to luck and the flight of the hours to evolve wonders and mysteries and amusements.