The Clean HeartHutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth)
Science
The Clean Heart
Hutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth)
Authors -- Fiction; Happiness -- Fiction
Bound up in this, he takes train immediately from Whitecliffe to
London, presently is involved in all the tortures that his welcoming
inflicts upon him. His return is made a sensation of the hour by his
friends and soon, as he finds, by that larger circle to whom his
books have made him known. "Where have you been?" It is a question
to which he seems to have to spend every hour of all his days in
formulating some kind of answer. It is a question--and all the
congratulation and felicitation that goes with it--that often he
tells himself he can no longer stand and must escape. "Where have
you been?" and all the while it is at Whitecliffe--in that room,
among those scenes--that his heart is, and that he desires only to be
left alone to keep there. But he does not escape. But he does not
keep himself alone. It is self that bids him. It is self he has
come out to know and face. He forces himself to see with the eyes of
those that do them the kindnesses that are done him. He makes
himself respond. He permits himself no shrinking.
He revisits Mr. and Mrs. Filmer. They have "got along very well
without him," they tell him.
"I am bound to say," says Mrs. Filmer, "that at the time we thought
your conduct showed very little consideration for us. I am bound to
say that."
"A mere postcard," says Mr. Filmer, "can relieve much suspense; but
one does not of course always think of duties to others, h'm, ha."
"Well, that's just what I am here to think of," Mr. Wriford responds.
"Is there anything I can do? Anything you want?"
There is nothing, as it appears, except a manifestation of fear that
he proposes to upset the establishment by quartering himself upon
them, relief from which expands them somewhat, and they proceed with
the news that two of the boys, his nephews, are on their way home on
leave.
The boys come, and in their affairs and in their interests he finds
better response to the "Anything I can do?" than was received from
the Filmers. Till their arrival he has had, in seclusion of his
rooms, intervals when he can retreat within his thoughts. There is a
holiday home to be made for them, and he takes a flat and occupies
himself with them, and these intervals are denied him. The young men
are here to have a good time. There are their eyes for him to see
with--not his own. He has a trick, they both notice it, of saying:
"Well, tell me just how you look at the business." It is a trick
that is expressed also in his manner, in a certain inviting,
sympathetic way that he has, and it comes to be noticed in the much
wider circle of his friends. "Used to be a fearfully reserved chap,
Wriford," they say. "Never quite knew whether he was shy or thought
himself too good for you. Do you notice how different he is now?"
"Do you ever notice him when he's alone, though--sitting in the club
here and not knowing you're looking at him?" another would reply.
"There's a look on his face then--he's been through it, Wriford, I'll
bet money."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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