The Clicking of CuthbertWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Clicking of Cuthbert
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Golf stories; Humorous stories
There was something in the way the man spoke that I did not like. His
mildness seemed to me suspicious. He had the air of a man who has
something up his sleeve. I was still musing on this when Arthur called
to me impatiently to get in. I did so, and we drove off. Arthur was in
great spirits. He had ascertained from the young man at the wheel that
there was no chance of the opposition being able to hire another car at
the garage. This machine was his own property, and the only other one
at present in the shop was suffering from complicated trouble of the
oiling-system and would not be able to be moved for at least another
day.
I, however, shook my head when he pointed out the advantages of his
position. I was still wondering about Ralph.
"I don't like it," I said.
"Don't like what?"
"Ralph Bingham's manner."
"Of course not," said Arthur. "Nobody does. There have been complaints
on all sides."
"I mean, when you told him how you intended to get the ball out of the
car."
"What was the matter with him?"
"He was too--ha!"
"How do you mean he was too--ha?"
"I have it!"
"What?"
"I see the trap he was laying for you. It has just dawned on me. No
wonder he didn't object to your opening the door and chipping the ball
out. By doing so you would forfeit the match."
"Nonsense! Why?"
"Because," I said, "it is against the rules to tamper with a hazard. If
you had got into a sand-bunker, would you smooth away the sand? If you
had put your shot under a tree, could your caddie hold up the branches
to give you a clear shot? Obviously you would disqualify yourself if
you touched that door."
Arthur's jaw dropped.
"What! Then how the deuce am I to get it out?"
"That," I said, gravely, "is a question between you and your Maker."
It was here that Arthur Jukes forfeited the sympathy which I had begun
to feel for him. A crafty, sinister look came into his eyes.
"Listen!" he said. "It'll take them an hour to catch up with us.
Suppose, during that time, that door happened to open accidentally, as
it were, and close again? You wouldn't think it necessary to mention
the fact, eh? You would be a good fellow and keep your mouth shut, yes?
You might even see your way to go so far as to back me up in a
statement to the effect that I hooked it out with my----?"
I was revolted.
"I am a golfer," I said, coldly, "and I obey the rules."
"Yes, but----"
"Those rules were drawn up by----"--I bared my head reverently--"by the
Committee of the Royal and Ancient at St. Andrews. I have always
respected them, and I shall not deviate on this occasion from the
policy of a lifetime."
Arthur Jukes relapsed into a moody silence. He broke it once, crossing
the West Street Bridge, to observe that he would like to know if I
called myself a friend of his--a question which I was able to answer
with a whole-hearted negative. After that he did not speak till the car
drew up in front of the Majestic Hotel in Royal Square.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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