The Clicking of CuthbertWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Clicking of Cuthbert
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Golf stories; Humorous stories
We went into the hotel, and a few minutes later he joined us. Now that
we were actually at the table, I confess that the idea of breakfast was
by no means repugnant to me. The keen air and the exercise had given me
an appetite, and it was some little time before I was able to assure
the waiter definitely that he could cease bringing orders of scrambled
eggs. The others having finished also, I suggested a move. I was
anxious to get the match over and be free to go home.
We filed out of the hotel, Arthur Jukes leading. When I had passed
through the swing-doors, I found him gazing perplexedly up and down the
street.
"What is the matter?" I asked.
"It's gone!"
"What has gone?"
"The car!"
"Oh, the car?" said Ralph Bingham. "That's all right. Didn't I tell you
about that? I bought it just now and engaged the driver as my
chauffeur, I've been meaning to buy a car for a long time. A man ought
to have a car."
"Where is it?" said Arthur, blankly. The man seemed dazed.
"I couldn't tell you to a mile or two," replied Ralph. "I told the man
to drive to Glasgow. Why? Had you any message for him?"
"But my ball was inside it!"
"Now that," said Ralph, "is really unfortunate! Do you mean to tell me
you hadn't managed to get it out yet? Yes, that is a little awkward for
you. I'm afraid it means that you lose the match."
"Lose the match?"
"Certainly. The rules are perfectly definite on that point. A period of
five minutes is allowed for each stroke. The player who fails to make
his stroke within that time loses the hole. Unfortunate, but there it
is!"
Arthur Jukes sank down on the path and buried his face in his hands. He
had the appearance of a broken man. Once more, I am bound to say, I
felt a certain pity for him. He had certainly struggled gamely, and it
was hard to be beaten like this on the post.
"Playing eleven hundred and one," said Ralph Bingham, in his odiously
self-satisfied voice, as he addressed his ball. He laughed jovially. A
messenger-boy had paused close by and was watching the proceedings
gravely. Ralph Bingham patted him on the head.
"Well, sonny," he said, "what club would _you_ use here?"
"I claim the match!" cried Arthur Jukes, springing up. Ralph Bingham
regarded him coldly.
"I beg your pardon?"
"I claim the match!" repeated Arthur Jukes. "The rules say that a
player who asks advice from any person other than his caddie shall lose
the hole."
"This is absurd!" said Ralph, but I noticed that he had turned pale.
"I appeal to the judges."
"We sustain the appeal," I said, after a brief consultation with Rupert
Bailey. "The rule is perfectly clear."
"But you had lost the match already by not playing within five
minutes," said Ralph, vehemently.
"It was not my turn to play. You were farther from the pin."
"Well, play now. Go on! Let's see you make your shot."
"There is no necessity," said Arthur, frigidly. "Why should I play when
you have already disqualified yourself?"
"I claim a draw!"
"I deny the claim."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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