"Never mind. Get him; tell him to name his own terms. When is the Amateur Championship?" "I think it is on September the twelfth this year." "All right, take dictation. September twelfth win Amateur Championship." I stared at him in amazement, but he was not looking at me. "Got that?" he said. "September thir--Oh, I was forgetting! Add September twelfth, corner wheat. September thirteenth, marry Amelia." "Marry Amelia," I echoed, moistening my pencil. "Where do you play this--what's-its-name--golf?" "There are clubs all over the country. I belong to the Wissahicky Glen." "That a good place?" "Very good." "Arrange today for my becoming a member." * * * * * Sandy McHoots arrived in due course, and was shown into the private office. "Mr. McHoots?" said Vincent Jopp. "Mphm!" said the Open Champion. "I have sent for you, Mr. McHoots, because I hear that you are the greatest living exponent of this game of golf." "Aye," said the champion, cordially. "I am that." "I wish you to teach me the game. I am already somewhat behind schedule owing to the delay incident upon your long journey, so let us start at once. Name a few of the most important points in connection with the game. My secretary will make notes of them, and I will memorize them. In this way we shall save time. Now, what is the most important thing to remember when playing golf?" "Keep your heid still." "A simple task." "Na sae simple as it soonds." "Nonsense!" said Vincent Jopp, curtly. "If I decide to keep my head still, I shall keep it still. What next?" "Keep yer ee on the ba'." "It shall be attended to. And the next?" "Dinna press." "I won't. And to resume." Mr. McHoots ran through a dozen of the basic rules, and I took them down in shorthand. Vincent Jopp studied the list. "Very good. Easier than I had supposed. On the first tee at Wissahicky Glen at eleven sharp tomorrow, Mr. McHoots. Hi! You!" "Sir?" I said. "Go out and buy me a set of clubs, a red jacket, a cloth cap, a pair of spiked shoes, and a ball." "One ball?" "Certainly. What need is there of more?" "It sometimes happens," I explained, "that a player who is learning the game fails to hit his ball straight, and then he often loses it in the rough at the side of the fairway." "Absurd!" said Vincent Jopp. "If I set out to drive my ball straight, I shall drive it straight. Good morning, Mr. McHoots. You will excuse me now. I am busy cornering Woven Textiles." * * * * *