"The bishop entertained him with a frown, and exposed the plaint.
'Monseigneur,' said the curé right humbly, 'doth the parish allege many
things against me, or this one only?' 'In sooth, but this one,' said the
bishop; and softened a little. 'First, monseigneur, I acknowledge the
fact.' ''Tis well,' quoth the bishop; 'that saves time and trouble. Now
to your excuse, if excuse there be.' 'Monseigneur, I have been curé of
that parish seven years, and fifty children have I baptized, and buried
not five. At first I used to say, "Heaven be praised, the air of this
village is main healthy," but on searching the register book I found
'twas always so, and on probing the matter, it came out that of those
born at Domfront, all, but here and there one, did go and get hanged at
Aix. But this was to defraud not their curé only, but the entire Church
of her dues: since "pendards" pay no funeral fees, being buried in air.
Thereupon, knowing by sad experience their greed, and how they grudge
the Church every sou, I laid a trap to keep them from hanging: for,
greed against greed, there be of them that will die in their beds like
true men, ere the Church shall gain those funeral fees for nought.' Then
the bishop laughed till the tears ran down, and questioned the
churchwarden, and he was fain to confess that too many of the parish did
come to that unlucky end at Aix. 'Then,' said the bishop, 'I do approve
the act, for myself and my successors; and so be it ever, till they mend
their manners and die in their beds.' And the next day came the
ringleaders crest-fallen to the curé, and said, 'Parson, ye were ever
good to us, barring this untoward matter: prithee let there be no ill
blood anent so trivial a thing.' And the curé said, 'My children, I
were unworthy to be your pastor could I not forgive a wrong; go in
peace, and get me as many children as may be, that by the double fees
the curé you love may miss starvation.'
"And the bishop often told the story, and it kept his memory of the curé
alive, and at last he shifted him to a decent parish, where he can offer
a glass of old Medoc to such as are worthy of it. Their name it is not
legion."
A light broke in upon Gerard, his countenance showed it.
"Ay!" said his host, "I am that curé: so now thou canst guess why I said
'At their old tricks.' My life on't they have wheedled my successor into
remitting those funeral fees. You are well out of that parish. And so am
I."
The curé's little niece burst in, "Uncle, the weighing:--la! a
stranger!" And burst out.
The curé rose directly, but would not part with Gerard.
"Wet thy beard once more, and come with me."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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