The Club of Queer TradesChesterton, G. K. (Gilbert Keith)
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The Club of Queer Trades
Chesterton, G. K. (Gilbert Keith)
Detective and mystery stories, English; Private investigators -- England -- London -- Fiction
“I think you've made a mistake in my meaning,” he said. “I don't know
his name. I never saw him before in my life.”
“Never saw him before!” I cried, with a kind of anger; “then what in
heaven's name do you mean by saying that he is the wickedest man in
England?”
“I meant what I said,” said Basil Grant calmly. “The moment I saw
that man, I saw all these people stricken with a sudden and splendid
innocence. I saw that while all ordinary poor men in the streets were
being themselves, he was not being himself. I saw that all the men in
these slums, cadgers, pickpockets, hooligans, are all, in the deepest
sense, trying to be good. And I saw that that man was trying to be
evil.”
“But if you never saw him before--” I began.
“In God's name, look at his face,” cried out Basil in a voice that
startled the driver. “Look at the eyebrows. They mean that infernal
pride which made Satan so proud that he sneered even at heaven when he
was one of the first angels in it. Look at his moustaches, they are so
grown as to insult humanity. In the name of the sacred heavens look at
his hair. In the name of God and the stars, look at his hat.”
I stirred uncomfortably.
“But, after all,” I said, “this is very fanciful--perfectly absurd. Look
at the mere facts. You have never seen the man before, you--”
“Oh, the mere facts,” he cried out in a kind of despair. “The mere
facts! Do you really admit--are you still so sunk in superstitions, so
clinging to dim and prehistoric altars, that you believe in facts? Do
you not trust an immediate impression?”
“Well, an immediate impression may be,” I said, “a little less practical
than facts.”
“Bosh,” he said. “On what else is the whole world run but immediate
impressions? What is more practical? My friend, the philosophy of
this world may be founded on facts, its business is run on spiritual
impressions and atmospheres. Why do you refuse or accept a clerk? Do you
measure his skull? Do you read up his physiological state in a handbook?
Do you go upon facts at all? Not a scrap. You accept a clerk who may
save your business--you refuse a clerk that may rob your till, entirely
upon those immediate mystical impressions under the pressure of which
I pronounce, with a perfect sense of certainty and sincerity, that that
man walking in that street beside us is a humbug and a villain of some
kind.”
“You always put things well,” I said, “but, of course, such things
cannot immediately be put to the test.”
Basil sprang up straight and swayed with the swaying car.
“Let us get off and follow him,” he said. “I bet you five pounds it will
turn out as I say.”
And with a scuttle, a jump, and a run, we were off the car.
The man with the curved silver hair and the curved Eastern face walked
along for some time, his long splendid frock-coat flying behind him.
Then he swung sharply out of the great glaring road and disappeared down
an ill-lit alley. We swung silently after him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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