The Club of Queer TradesChesterton, G. K. (Gilbert Keith)
General
The Club of Queer Trades
Chesterton, G. K. (Gilbert Keith)
Detective and mystery stories, English; Private investigators -- England -- London -- Fiction
We walked on for about a quarter of an hour in silence in the trail of
the mysterious milkman. He walked quicker and quicker, and we had some
ado to keep up with him; and every now and then he left a splash of
milk, silver in the lamplight. Suddenly, almost before we could note it,
he disappeared down the area steps of a house. I believe Rupert really
believed that the milkman was a fairy; for a second he seemed to accept
him as having vanished. Then calling something to me which somehow took
no hold on my mind, he darted after the mystic milkman, and disappeared
himself into the area.
I waited for at least five minutes, leaning against a lamp-post in the
lonely street. Then the milkman came swinging up the steps without his
can and hurried off clattering down the road. Two or three minutes more
elapsed, and then Rupert came bounding up also, his face pale but yet
laughing; a not uncommon contradiction in him, denoting excitement.
“My friend,” he said, rubbing his hands, “so much for all your
scepticism. So much for your philistine ignorance of the possibilities
of a romantic city. Two and sixpence, my boy, is the form in which your
prosaic good nature will have to express itself.”
“What?” I said incredulously, “do you mean to say that you really did
find anything the matter with the poor milkman?”
His face fell.
“Oh, the milkman,” he said, with a miserable affectation at having
misunderstood me. “No, I--I--didn't exactly bring anything home to the
milkman himself, I--”
“What did the milkman say and do?” I said, with inexorable sternness.
“Well, to tell the truth,” said Rupert, shifting restlessly from
one foot to another, “the milkman himself, as far as merely physical
appearances went, just said, 'Milk, Miss,' and handed in the can. That
is not to say, of course, that he did not make some secret sign or
some--”
I broke into a violent laugh. “You idiot,” I said, “why don't you own
yourself wrong and have done with it? Why should he have made a secret
sign any more than any one else? You own he said nothing and did nothing
worth mentioning. You own that, don't you?”
His face grew grave.
“Well, since you ask me, I must admit that I do. It is possible that
the milkman did not betray himself. It is even possible that I was wrong
about him.”
“Then come along with you,” I said, with a certain amicable anger, “and
remember that you owe me half a crown.”
“As to that, I differ from you,” said Rupert coolly. “The milkman's
remarks may have been quite innocent. Even the milkman may have been.
But I do not owe you half a crown. For the terms of the bet were, I
think, as follows, as I propounded them, that wherever that milkman came
to a real stop I should find out something curious.”
“Well?” I said.
“Well,” he answered, “I jolly well have. You just come with me,” and
before I could speak he had turned tail once more and whisked through
the blue dark into the moat or basement of the house. I followed almost
before I made any decision.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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