The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Volume 09: Tangential ViewsBierce, Ambrose
General
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Volume 09: Tangential Views
Bierce, Ambrose
American essays; American literature
For the first time in his immemorial existence this comfortable
creature has thrown open to him a wide field of usefulness of exactly
the kind that he deserves—a long way from the comforts of home,
imperfectly supplied with beef-steaks, cold as blazes, with plenty of
hard work and the worst society in the world!
“Good long-haired dogs” are “quoted” in Dawson at one hundred and
fifty to two hundred dollars. Such prices ought to result in drawing
all that kind of dogs out of the rest of the country, which in itself
would be a great public benefaction; for the popular belief in the
superior virtues of the long-haired dog is a lamentable error. The type
and exemplar of that variety, the so-called Newfoundland, is, in point
of general, all-round unworth, superior to any living thing that we
have the advantage to know. Not only is his bite more deadly than that
of the ordinary snapdog, but that of the fleas which he cherishes is
peculiarly insupportable. The fleas of all other dogs merely sadden;
those of the Newfoundland madden to crime! His fragrance, moreover,
is less modest than that of even the Skye terrier; it is distinctly
declarative. A charming fiction ascribes to him a tender solicitude for
drowning persons, especially children; but history may be searched in
vain for a single authentic proof—and history is not over-scrupulous in
the matter of veracity. Every one has heard and read of rescues from
drowning, by Newfoundland dogs, but no human being ever saw one. It is
to be hoped that the hyperborean demand for “good long-haired dogs”
will not fall upon heedless ears.
The Great Dane is not a “long-haired” dog, but he is large and strong,
and should be wanted in the Klondike country. His size and strength
would there be his best recommendations; here they are his worst.
Having a giant’s strength he uses it as a giant, and his multiplication
in the land is a terror and a curse. His manner of unloading a bicycle
has been justly described as the acme of inconsiderateness. Moreover,
he is increasing all the time in magnitude as well as in quantity; at
his present rate of growth he will within a decade or so overtop the
horse and outnumber the sheep. There will be no resisting him. But what
an excellent roadster he would be in Alaska! The brevity of his hair is
really an advantage: in calculating his load less allowance will need
to be made for icicles. Indubitably the value of a Great Dane in Dawson
is at least one thousand dollars.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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