The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Volume 12: In MotleyBierce, Ambrose
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The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Volume 12: In Motley
Bierce, Ambrose
American literature
The dance-house at the corner of Moll Duncan street and Fish-Trap
avenue has been broken up. Our friend the editor of _The Jamboree_
succeeded in getting his cock-eyed sister in there as a beer-slinger
and the hurdy-gurdy girls all swore they would not stand her society.
They got up and got. The light fantastic toe is not tripped there any
more, except when the _Jamboree_ man sneaks in and dances a jig for his
morning pizen.—_Murderburg “Herald.”_
• • • • •
The superintendent of the Mag Davis mine requests us to state that the
custom of pitching Chinamen and Injins down the shaft will have to be
stopped, as he has resumed work in the mine. The old well back of Jo
Bowman’s is just as good, and more centrally located.—_New Jerusalem
“Courier.”_
• • • • •
There is a fellow in town who claims to be the man that killed Sheriff
White some months ago. We consider him an impostor seeking admission
into society above his level, and hope people will stop inviting him
to their houses.—_Nigger Hill “Patriot.”_
• • • • •
A stranger wearing a stovepipe hat arrived in town yesterday, putting
up at the Nugget House. The boys are having a good time with that hat
this morning. The funeral will take place at two o’clock.—_Spanish Camp
“Flag.”_
• • • • •
The scoundrel who upset our office last month will be hung to-morrow
and no paper will be issued the next day.—“_Sierra Firecracker._”
• • • • •
The old gray-headed party who lost his life last Friday at the jeweled
hands of our wife deserves more than a passing notice at ours. He came
to this city last summer and started a weekly Methodist prayer-meeting,
but being warned by the police, who was formerly a Presbyterian, gave
up the swindle. He afterward undertook to introduce Bibles and, it is
said, on one occasion attempted to preach. This was a little too much
and at our suggestion he was tarred and feathered.
For a time this treatment seemed to work a reform, but the heart of a
Methodist is above all things deceitful and desperately wicked: he was
soon after caught in the very act of presenting a hymnbook to old Ben
Spoffer’s youngest daughter, Ragged Moll. The vigilance committee _pro
tem._ waited on him, when he was decently shot and left for dead, as
was recorded in this paper, with an obituary notice for which we have
never received a cent. Last Friday, however, he was discovered sneaking
into the potato patch connected with this paper and our wife, God bless
her! got an axe and finished him then and there.
His name was John Bucknor and it is reported (we do not know with how
much truth) that at one time there was an improper intimacy between him
and the lady who despatched him. If so, we pity Sal.—_Coyote “Trapper.”_
• • • • •
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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