The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Volume 12: In MotleyBierce, Ambrose
General
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Volume 12: In Motley
Bierce, Ambrose
American literature
Third, invention of the electric leg. As a means of going from place to
place the ancients had from the earliest ages of history relied largely
on the wheel. Just how they applied it, not in stationary machinery,
as we do ourselves, but as an aid to locomotion, we cannot now hope
to know, for all the literature of the subject has perished; but it
was evidently a crude and clumsy device, giving a speed of less than
two hundred miles (four and a half sikliks) an hour, even on roadways
specially provided with rails for its rapid revolution. We know, too,
that wheels produced an intolerable jolting of the body, whereby
many died of a disease known as “therapeutics.” Indeed, a certain
class of persons who probably traveled faster than others came to be
called “rough riders,” and for their sufferings were compensated by
appointment to the most lucrative offices in the gift of the sovereign.
Small wonder that the men of that day hailed the aëroplane with
intemperate enthusiasm and used it with insupportable immoderation!
But when the younger Eddy invented that supreme space-conquering
device, the electric leg, and within six months perfected it to
virtually what it is to-day, the necessity for flight no longer
existed. The aëroplane, ending its brief and bloody reign a discredited
and discarded toy, was “sent to the scrap-heap,” as one of our
brightest and most original modern wits has expressed it. The wheel
followed it into oblivion, whither the horse had preceded it, and
Civilization lifted her virgin fires as a dawn in Eden, and like
Cytherea leading her moonrise troop of nymphs and graces, literally
legged it o’er the land!
III—AN ANCIENT HUNTER
In the nineteenth century of what, in honor of Christopher Columbum,
a mythical hero, the ancients called the “Christian era,” Africa was
an unknown land of deserts, jungles, fierce wild beasts, and degraded
savages. It is believed that no white man had ever penetrated it to a
distance of one league from the coast. All the literature of that time
relating to African exploration, conquest, and settlement is now known
to be purely imaginative—what the ancients admired as “fiction” and we
punish as felony.
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