The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Volume 12: In MotleyBierce, Ambrose
General
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Volume 12: In Motley
Bierce, Ambrose
American literature
Having swallowed the frog, the reptile turned to go away, and by a
sinuous course soon reached the highway. Here he stood up and looked
about him. There was no living thing in sight. To the right hand and
the left the dusty white road stretched away without a break in its
dreary, mathematical sameness. Beyond a belt of pines on the opposite
side rose a barren, rounded hilltop, resembling the bald crown of a
game keeper thrust upward from behind a hedge to offer a shining mark
for the poacher.
Grimly the poacher raised and sighted his gun, charged with a double
quantity of heavy slugs. There was a moment of silence—a silence so
profound, so deathlike in its intensity, that a keen ear might have
heard the spanking of an infant in a distant village.
This infant had come, no one knew whence. The story went that it had
tramped into town one cold morning, with its cradle slung across its
back, and after being refused admittance to the hotel, had gone quietly
to the back door and lain down, having first written and pinned to its
gown the following placard: “This unfortunate child is the natural
son of a foreign prince, who until he shall succeed to the throne of
his ancestors begs that the illustrious waif may be tenderly cared
for. His Royal Highness cannot say how long his own worthless father
may continue to disgrace the realm, but hopes not long. At the end of
that time, his Royal Highness will appear to the child’s astonished
benefactor, crusted as thickly with gems as a toad with warts.”
These troublesome excrescences had given the poor toad much pain.
Everything that science had devised, and skill applied, had been a mere
waste of money; and now at the age of four hundred years, with life
just opening before him, with other toads reveling about him in all the
jump-up-and-come-down-hardness of their hearts he was compelled to drag
himself nervelessly through existence, with no more hope of happiness
than a piano has of marriage.
It was not a nice piano; the keys were warped, the mainspring was
relaxed, the cogwheels would not have anything to do with one another,
and the pendulum would swing only one way. Altogether a disreputable
and ridiculous old instrument. But such as it was, it had stood in
that dim old attic, man and boy, for more than thirty years. Its very
infirmities, by exciting pity, had preserved it; not one of the family
would have laid an axe at the root of that piano for as much gold as
could be drawn by a team of the strongest horses.
Of these rare and valuable animals we shall speak in our next chapter.
THE ALLOTMENT
“Doubtless we have all great gratitude this night of Thanksgiving.
Doubtless, too, we have ample cause and justification, for the dullest
crack-brain of us all knows that life might have gone harder with
him had the Power that compounds our joys and pains proportioned
differently, to that end, the simples of the mixture.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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