The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Volume 12: In MotleyBierce, Ambrose
General
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Volume 12: In Motley
Bierce, Ambrose
American literature
Frogs was one time catter pillers. When you have et a catter in your
salad it would have been a frog if you didnt. A feller named Esop says
there was a ox which tried for to be a frog and busted. If it didnt
bust it would have et hay and hooked and give milk. The best place to
find frogs is after a rain, but they jump before you can get your hands
on them, and them which dont will slip through your fingers like they
was buttered, but when they fall on the ground you can see their white
bellies if you look real quick.
One night there was a lot of frogs in a lake, and there was a fire
on the shore, and they all stuck their heads up for to see the fire,
and the water froze, and when they tried to take their heads in they
couldnt. So they held a council, and each laid his views before the
king frog, which was in the middle, and there was jest as many plans
for freein the whole lot as there was frogs which couldnt move a inch.
The king he didnt say nothing, but looked mighty wise. When the sun
melted them out in the mornin they said: “What a good and wise king we
have, for to get us out of trouble! Let us go and thank him.”
But when they went to thank him they couldn’t find nothing to thank,
only but jest his head, for a cat fish had bit off the king’s body
early in the session. Then they said the king had died for his peoples.
Uncle Ned he said, Uncle Ned did: “Johnny, frogs is fine and gay, but
the batrakian is a monster of the ocean blue. He has a mouth like a
cavern in a hill, and a eye accordin. He is green as a meadow in spring
time, exceptin the stomach of his belly, which is as the winter land
scope. His voice is like the music of a saw mill and nations hear
entranced. When he arises in his wrath his course is as the eagles
flight, and when he revisits the earth whence he sprang from, the
waters receive him with a roar which makes the heavens be mute!”
Then I spoke up and said: “Thats what a frog does too.”
Uncle Ned he said: “All animated nature has points of resemble. The
postage stamp is like the sword fish, cause it is a sticker, the polly
wog is like the feller which writes short stories, cause his tail is
not to be continued, and the wife is like the tagger, cause she roars
like distant thunder. I forgot to tell you that the batrakian is a
hunch back, but it isn’t good luck for to touch his hunch, for you
will get your feets wet if you try to, for he is the slickest citizen
you ever seen and departs this life for a other and wetter world at a
moments notice, automattical.”
I said: “Thats like frogs too.”
Uncle Ned he looked mighty hurt and shook his head, and bime by said:
“Johnny, you got a bad habit of interruptin for to say some fool thing
just as a feller is gettin truly eloquent, but since you mention frogs
I will tell you a story.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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